How do you handle losing something of sentimental value?
This is a question I’m thinking about more and more as we gradually downsize our life in preparation for the trip.
I bought a ring in 2001 from a street vendor in New York. It was October, everyone was still in shock from the terrorist attacks, and I had just completed a year of personal upheaval and a cross-country move. So many things were going through my head at that time, and the previous year had been both more fantastic and more heartbreaking than I could have ever imagined.
The ring wasn’t expensive, but I loved it and wore it often. It reminded me of being scared to death but doing big things anyway.
Last week I lost the ring while out to dinner with a friend. I didn’t even notice it was gone until the end of the evening, and by then it was too late to retrace steps.
At first I was really upset because of all the things that ring represented and how much courage it gave me when I was scared or unsure of myself.
And then I had a moment of clarity.
The ring didn’t give me courage. The ring symbolized all those experiences and emotions, but it didn’t contain them. Sure, it is nice to have a visual reminder, but without one does it mean those experiences don’t exist? Or that I will forget all the lessons I learned?
Have I been giving the power of those emotions and experiences away to material things?
I’ve been thinking about this more and more over the last few days in relation to our downsizing project. There are some sentimental things I’ll be keeping, but do I really need the Eiffel Tower statue from my honeymoon? I’m pretty sure I’ll be able to remember that trip.
What is really of value to me and what is false value?
Value = the experience of travel. False value = receipts and tickets from travel. (why have I been keeping these?)
Value = a love of reading/learning. False value = books I will never re-read. (why haven’t I shared them with others?)
Value = Clothes that fit me and my lifestyle. False value = high heels and suits from my old corporate life. (will I ever forget what big business taught me?)
What do you hold valuable in your life? Is there anything of false value?
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About Betsy
The way I look at it: you now possess the courage that the ring was bought to inspire in you. So you didn’t need it anymore.
I had a closet full of memorabilia from my parents. It took up a lot of space but I didn’t want to let it go. I finally realized that it was my way of staying linked to my parents, which is FALSE. We went through all the photos, took the best and found someone to create a video-audio montage. We made copies for other relatives too.
Stuff = stuck energy. Releasing stuff = welcoming lightness and freedom
I support you "unsticking," Betsy!
Margit, I like the way you think. Thank you for sharing your experience. Can I ask whether you finally just had enough of the stuff or if there was an incident that sparked getting rid of it all (a move, maybe)?
I ask because I know without this downsizing for our big trip I would probably not be thinking about this topic at all. And the loss of the ring is making me question many other things – would that have happened anyway, or would I be kicking and screaming about downsizing my "good stuff" as we get closer to departure? Just curious about your take on it.
Fascinating topic here, this whole business of things becoming gargantuan symbols of big ideas, of experiences, of lives. Being very tactile (and visual), I always felt they helped me relive experiences. I see and touch the thing and it moves me right into reminiscing. But you are right. We don’t need the things to remember.
My problem right now with memorabilia (family photos, home movies, etc.) is that I am writing a memoir and they help me with plot, dialogue, character descriptions. I see myself running around as a little kid and it brings back the thoughts, ideas, feeling this quirky little girl had growing up.
I like the way you made me think about this topic.
Judy, I don’t think memorabilia is a bad thing at all. It only struck me as a problem when I became so upset at losing a "thing" that represented something much bigger. Losing the "thing" does not mean losing the memory or emotion it represented. I like the way Margit says that we eventually possess what the item symbolizes.
I love my pictures, too. They are all going digital before our trip so I can "see" my family and friends no matter where we may be.
I’m looking forward to reading more about your writing process (and eventually reading the book!).
To answer your question: I wasn’t going to let go of the stuff. I felt like that would be some form of disloyalty to my family. But I was at a coaching event and I volunteered for a one-on-one in front of everyone and the coach asked what is something that I’m not letting go of and the memorabilia was the first thing that popped into my head. So guess what got dealt with?!
I think getting rid of stuff is so freeing. My parents were pack rats and I saw how their "stuff" just took over everything. It was like all the stuff just served to bury the real treasure, which was THEM!
Margit, you really have a way with words. (of course you do – you talk to teenagers for a living!) Thank you for sharing your experience.