Photo by jsorbieus
Editor’s Note: The theme this month is Money.
Now that you know how to make a budget, you can get down to the nitty gritty of where to spend and where to save. And if you have a partner, the decisions can get complicated.
- Your wife wants to keep her $150 hair appointments every month, even though you are over your head in credit card debt
- Your husband plays golf every week to the tune of $100, not to mention all the golfing accessories he likes to buy
- You both love to eat out and have hectic jobs and can’t imagine cooking at home every night
You may be surprised to find out where you are spending money, and creating a budget can sometimes start arguments over where the money has been spent in the past.
“I can’t believe you have been spending that much money on your fingernails!”
“Well, I’m the one who does all the dishes around here, so I deserve a little pampering!”
You get the idea.
The important thing in the budgeting process is to look forward. Your past is passed, and there is nothing you can do about it.
Consider the goal you both have in mind and go from there. When you have a dollar amount in mind and each party makes equal sacrifices to get to that goal, you go back to being a team again. And isn’t that why you chose your mate in the first place?
How to agree on a budget:
- Have a mutual goal – adjust it if necessary to make sure you are on the same page
- Give yourself some “mad money.” Everyone needs a little cash they don’t have to account for to anyone else. Your mad money may be $10/week or $100/week. Doesn’t matter, just make sure you have some and don’t get mad when your mate spends his on things you consider wasteful.
- Agree on a regular review to make modifications to your budget. In the beginning, you will want to do this every month.
- Build in some variety. You won’t feel deprived about less eating out if you are sharing a romantic picnic on your livingroom floor. Be creative.
- Think about do-it-yourself options. I’ve received more compliments on my hair since I started coloring it myself than in all the years I had it done at the salon. And I save $800 a year.
Shared Sacrifice Means Shared Victory
For us, the goal is a mutual one, but it doesn’t always turn out that way (see the charred remains of marriage #1 for lessons on how to work separately on opposing goals). You have to be able to compromise with your mate on both the goal and the way to get there so neither one feels bullied into doing something.
When you reach your goal, you will be so glad to have worked through your difficulties with your partner and celebrate your success. Money problems really can bring you closer together if you work it out as a team.
Related Reading:
Working Together: Our first DIY haircut
How to Get Ready for a Round the World Trip (the long way)
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Betsy Talbot writes about carving the lifestyle you want out of life you already have. When she’s not writing, she’s paring down, saving up, and getting ready for a year of travel with her husband.
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About Betsy
My husband spent his first marriage working 2 jobs to support a wife who thought nothing of spending money while she didn’t work herself. My husband is an incredible giver and would have done the same thing in our lives. I was not going to be that wife.
When we decided I would stay home when our son was born I looked into what I could change to help that. Out went the bi-monthly manicures and pedicures. Out went the weekly salon appointments. Out went the shopping trips when I was bored. I did all of these things when I was single and it was easy to carry them through when we first got married and had 2 good incomes. But I also valued the old fashioned notion that my husband is the breadwinner and I respect what he does to bring home the bacon.
Now I stay home, cook dinner every night, we budget everything we spend. (We use almost exactly the same budget worksheet as you!) And it really works for us. We made a commitment to our bond as a couple and we work as individuals to uphold that commitment.
It’s a lot more fun than it sounds. I promise. Maybe that’s because the husband fills out the budget forms.
Calimama, thanks for sharing your experience. No matter what you decide to do with your money, having an agreement is what makes it work. And not ever fighting about money again is worth a small sacrifice, isn’t it?
I think my husband and I are unusual, but we maintain 3 checking accounts. One is household expenses, and then we each have our own. We both work, but our work schedules vary wildly because we both work freelance. When we have a goal about something we want to buy or a vacation we want to go on, we figure out who will buy it or what portion we will each contribute based on things like who worked more that year.
This way I don’t ever have to explain why a facial costs $90 or why I need it and I don’t have to faint at the prices he pays for DVDs or vintage toys.
It’s working great because we’ve been together 16 years and have never had a fight about money. Which is amazing considering how "lean" some of our times have been. We fight about other things, but never about money.
I’ve known other couples with separate checking accounts and it works well for them (especially if you have things like child support or other debts/income from before the marriage). You are essentially keeping your mad money in a separate checking account instead of just drawing it from the joint one. There are really no hard and fast rules about this – what works for one couple will never work for another. The point is to be on the same page and in alignment with how money is spent/saved, and it sounds like both Calimama and Angela have that covered. Thanks so much for sharing your stories.
Our household has 3 checking accounts too – very wise! This budget issue is a biggie – can’t wait to hear more from those that have it figured out!
We have some joint accounts for joint savings, bills, etc.
Then we each have a "mad money" account. We each have the same amount of play money put into our accounts once a fortnight and we can do with it what we like. Mr Techno likes technological goods, DVDs and the like, whereas I love clothes, shoes, and girly treats.
I think that has gone a long way to the fact that iIn nine years together, we have never fought about money.
People sometimes make the mistake of trying to erase individuality in a marriage in favor of "couple-dom", but it is so important to keep it. He gets his techno goodies and you get your girly treats and the partnership is stronger because of it. Good to hear the mad money is working out for you, Non Consumer Girl.
I am so fortunate in that my husband and I are basically on the same page. He’s not AS good at saving as I am, but he’s not nearly as spendy as most of the population.
First of all, the image you used is adorable yet applicable, I like it. Anyway, thanks for this post. I’m not married yet, but I know what it’s like when it comes to budgeting with your other half. It can cause the worst arguments but sometimes it could strengthen relationships. It’s just money, after all.