“Don’t give up what you want most for what you want right now.” ~ Lynn Mitchell
Photo by kwerfeldein
The hardest part about lifestyle design is keeping your eye on the bigger picture. Your friends won’t be changing along with you; they may not even agree with your lifestyle goals. So comparing yourself to them in terms of what they buy, where they live, and how they spend their time is pointless.
Easier said than done, right?
We are all social animals and we want to fit in. I mean, why else would we have worn legwarmers over our jeans in grade school? Or hairsprayed a hole in the ozone layer creating that perfect wall of bangs in junior high?
Adulthood is no different. It’s called “keeping up with the Jones’s.”
When you decide on a lifestyle change, you have to be comfortable with the transition from your current lifestyle to your new lifestyle. And because birds of a feather flock together, you are faced with looking at your “old” lifestyle on a daily basis by watching your friends.
This can be tough.
If your goal is to start your own business, you have to devote the time to creating your product/idea and finding sources of funding. This is probably in addition to your day job, so your social life will fall off dramatically for a while. Your friends may be at the beach every Saturday while you are working on a business plan to show to the bank. They may even stop inviting you because you always say no.
Your goal may be to work part-time while making the same income you do now full-time. In order to do that, you have to research options for producing a higher income or go back to school. To get to that part-time work life, you’ll have to essentially work double-time for a while.
Maybe you want to stay home with your young children. You may have to forego the conveniences like Friday night pizza and new work clothes for a while to pay down your bills and adjust your lifestyle so you can afford to stay home. You won’t be the same as other working moms, but you won’t be quite the same as a stay-at-home mom, either. It will be hard to find support during your transition.
In all 3 examples above, you can easily focus on what you are giving up. But for a successful lifestyle design, you have to keep your eye on the big picture and what you will obtain.
- Can you give up most evenings and weekends for a year to launch your dream business?
- Would you spend your free time over the next 2 years upgrading your skills or investing in an automated business that will allow you part-time work for the rest of your life?
- How much effort would it take to cut back and pay off debt over 2 years so you could stay home with your kids for the next 12 years?
It is not enough to simply have a lifestyle dream. You have to take action with specific steps, milestones, and time-lines to make it happen.
If your goals are extreme, you may want to break them down in stages. It is a lot like weight loss. If you need to lose 50 pounds it can seem overwhelming. But if you break it down into 10% goals, you can achieve success.
If you find you are not ready to make changes or take action to get what you want, you may not have hit on the right lifestyle goal. We are conditioned to say we want certain things because society says we should. But when you follow your heart the sacrifice is easier because the goal is irresistible to you, no matter what anyone else thinks.
What does your ideal lifestyle look like? Are you on your way to creating it? What is the hardest part for you? Please join the discussion in the comments.
________________________________________________________________________________
Betsy Talbot writes about carving the lifestyle you want out of life you already have. When she’s not writing, she’s paring down, saving up, and getting ready for a year of travel with her husband.
Related posts:
About Betsy
Smart post!
Several years ago, I went back to school part-time while working full-time. While there was the commitment consideration of spending three years of evenings and many weekends doing homework, the experience of being in class and meeting so many like-minded people was fabulous! Even though at the time, just before I started the courses, I thought I was giving up my free time, it turned out to be more fun (a challenge can be fun, right?) than what I had been doing with my time before.
Laurie, thanks for sharing your experience. When you hit on your true calling, it is much easier to make the lifestyle changes necessary to make it happen.
I had the exact same experience as Laurie. I was burned out at my job and started taking writing classes at night and actually got some freelance writing work. I had to do all the homework for the class and job assignments, plus get to the class after a long day, but I looked forward to it and loved it. And since it was part of my long time/lifestyle goal, I felt rejuvenated and excited instead of tired or deprived.
Did either one of you ever get the "oh, but I could never do that" response from people? If so, how did you reply?
Oh, did I ever! I was actually shocked at people’s lack of faith, in themselves, and in some cases of me. I know they were just trying to be helpful, but so many friends would try to talk me out of it since I was giving up a lucrative career. Sometimes I wanted to shout "But I’ve always wanted to be a writer! And what if I’m a really good writer, and you’re basically telling me to give that up?" Sometimes I did say those things. I think a lot of people have this automatic response to say no. They feel trapped and they almost want everyone around them to feel that way, I guess so we can all complain and commisserate with each other. A lot of human behavior (myself included) is rationalizing our decisions and choices.
Some of my closest friends now were the ones who were encouraging. I wanted that kind of positive energy around me. Again, I was surprised at how so many smart and educated people seemed to think they couldn’t do anything about their "lot in life" and would just have to accept work they hate for 20 or 30 more years.
I should say that a lot of my friends have made midlife career switches so I had great role models and inspiration, and a lot of friends were very encouraging with the tiny steps I made (and am still making) toward being a freelance writer.
What a great story, Angela! You are so right – I’ve come to realize that when people say "I could never do that" or "how could you give that up?" that it is really more about them than it is about me. So I usually just let it go. Over time my friends have shifted as well – most are still in my life, but at a different level of closeness. Bonding with open-minded, supportive people is just more fulfilling.