Oh, how the mighty have fallen! You may remember me bragging back in the fall of 2008 that I had successfully given up caffeine after a lifetime addiction. In fact, you may recall that I was a bit of a trash talker about it. I gave Warren a hard time for sticking with his coffee (I may or may not have called it his “morning poison”), and I regularly tooted my own horn about successfully beating my addiction. Caffeine withdrawal apparently made me bitchy.
Ahem.
You may notice the wagon on the other side of the street. And me down here in the gutter. Yep, I’ve fallen off in a big way.
How does it happen?
How did I let 14 months worth of progress go down the drain? Slowly, so slowly that I didn’t notice it was gone until, well, it was gone.
This is the way it happens, I think. We make big strides in having a healthy lifestyle, better habits at work, or better relationships. And then we get cocky. Or lazy. Or maybe just let our guard down too much.
At first I allowed myself to have the occasional Diet Coke when I was eating out for lunch (I could handle it!). Then I picked one up every time I had to go to the grocery store (it was a reward – shopping is a chore!). Pretty soon I was sharing Warren’s coffee on weekends (we were bonding!). You can see how this quickly turned into 2 large cups of coffee plus one Diet Coke almost every day by the end of December.
So now I’m back on the wagon, or at least have a leg up. My head hurts, I’m a little bit grumpy, and a whole lot mad at myself for letting this happen. After all, I have blood pressure problems and sleep disturbances when I drink caffeine, so it is not something I want in my life. And when we start traveling I don’t want to “need” caffeine to get going every morning because we may not always have access to it.
It’s funny to be thinking about this issue I already had licked at the same time as we’re focusing on new goals and plans for 2010. It just goes to show that you can’t ever really let your guard down, even from yourself.
Lessons from falling off the wagon
- If you don’t ever become an obnoxious former (fill in the blank), you won’t have to eat your words when you do slip up (and you likely will).
- If something is a big problem for you now, when you break the habit you are still at risk of relapsing. You have not beaten it; you have simply gained control over it. Telling yourself you beat it is an open invitation to test how much control you have by indulging now and then. And that’s where the trouble starts.
- No matter how embarrassing or disappointing it is, you have to dust yourself off and climb back on. If you have done it once, it will be easier the second (or tenth) time.
Have you ever fallen off the wagon after kicking a bad habit? What did you do to get back on track? Let me know in the comments.
About Betsy
Addiction has a way of learning just where are weak spots are and then exploiting them with well-crafted and seemingly rational reasoning that are spot on imitations of how we’d normally talk and think, but with a twist that we don’t notice.
I mean “OUR weak spots”
Hi, thanks for this, as I fell off my wagon yesterday with a great big thud! I think your last point of dusting yourself off is the most important.
A great lesson I learned as a girl about horseback riding- “when you fall off the horse you get right back on.” Otherwise the fear magnifies and you can become paralyzed.
I don’t think I ever realized before what a great metaphor that is for life.
I liked the picture for this post because sometimes it does seem like a long fall off a tall wagon. You are all correct – it takes swift action to get back up or we become paralyzed by the fear.
It turns out that a lot of the ‘nonsense’ my mom told me growing up is actually correct!
But, Betsy, think of all that time you spent ON the wagon. The longest time I’ve gone without caffeine was nine months of pregnancy. And that was so hard! Fourteen months seems pretty daunting to me!
That’s a good way to look at it, Shannon. I’m using that as my inspiration to get back on track.
Caffine you say, that’s going to be a hard one. My drug of choice right now. You know I’ve been on a lot, I have what is called an addictive personality. I gave up booze, smokes and LSD, I have been on other drugs but not really hooked (LSD probably dosn’t count in addictiveness except I loved the stuff psychologicaly and ate it like candy… Thats why coke was just a teaser waste of time, thank god) yet, caffine is my last vice on addiction to give up. It my seem silly, but caffine is not as harmless as some people think and can even lead to erectile disfunction ( that is a real good reason to quit) I don’t know about what you think, but after giving up all that unatural drug stuff sex is all you got left (it was pribably some sexual reason that got you in the addiction mess in the first place) I’ve had a few fags ( smokes) since then and some absinthes but did I let that tear me down. No I just got back up on that wagon… I remember how hard it was with smokes. Never woke up again running out to buy and its been about three years. I bet caffine is right up there. Get back up there and ride free. Do it for yourself (get higher power to help you… Even if its your dick) but get right back up and give your addiction a mighty big shove. Lol just do it.