Photo by AndYaDontStop via Flickr
You’ve heard the stories before:
A man doesn’t stop drinking until he loses everything.
A woman finally loses weight when she has a severe health crisis.
A near-death experience causes a person to start appreciating life.
I could go on, but you get the idea. Most people need a wakeup call to initiate change in their lives. What’s even more interesting is that we often need *repeated* calls to continue living our best lives.
Take the example of the woman who has a health crisis and needs to lose weight. She is spurred to action and drops 50 pounds, which makes her feel better. But because she did it as a response to a negative situation, she relaxes as soon as the health crisis passes. And then she gains some or all of the weight back.
Not everyone keeps repeating the same exact situation, but we often follow the same patterns. Just today someone reminded me that throughout life we “keep meeting ourselves” until we make lasting changes.
How do you make lasting change?
This is a tricky one. We all think our changes are going to be lasting right up until they aren’t. I recently wrote about my lack of success in giving up caffeine for good. If I felt so good, slept better, and had lower blood pressure, why did I go back to drinking coffee and Diet Coke?
Even now, after publicly admitting my failure, I’m struggling to get back on track.
Does this ever happen to you?
Lasting change comes about when you recognize there is more pain than pleasure in an activity or situation.
I read something last week that really hit home. The key to sticking with positive change is not really your planning, good intentions, or even the support of people around you.
What really makes a difference is one simple activity: raising your standards.
Think about what your life would look like if you raised your standards in the areas that are currently lacking. You’d exercise on a regular basis, develop healthy relationships with other people, and work in a job you love with enough time to pursue your favorite hobbies and spend time with your family and friends.
Is that the life you’re living? I know I’m not. Not fully, anyway.
So today I begin anew in my fight against caffeine. Instead of looking at it as a deprivation, I’m going to look at my life and say that I’m raising my standards when it comes to my health. And those standards do not include caffeine.
After all, if we raised our standards enough to remake our entire lives to travel the world, it should be a piece of cake to give up caffeine. (Did I just say cake? I love cake. I wish I had some cake right now. Hmmm, maybe food is another standard I need to address.)
How have you made lasting change in your life? Please let me know in the comments.
About Betsy
Hi Betsy,
I’m going to disagree with the whole “raising your standards” reasoning. Raising your standards is also a new habit. We can want to raise our standards, but until it becomes not the new thought, but the usual thought, we aren’t able to do that.
You and Warren raised your standards regarding your trip, but you’ve told us (your readers) countless times about your “planning, good intentions, and the people around you.”
I, too, fall off the wagon re: caffeine. But while I’m off the wagon I’m doing the “footwork” (good intentions, planning, and gathering people around me, as well as “raising my standards”) so that I can become a person who doesn’t need caffeine (and, it turns out, in my case this also involves getting into the habit of regularly taking some supplements prescribed by my naturopath).
I think you’re going about this in just the right way. The only failure would be to give up.
Onward and upward, my friend!
That’s a good point, Margit. I never thought that raising my standards was a new habit, too! I like the phrase “not the new thought, but the usual thought.”
Planning is very important, but without the motivation to get there, it doesn’t matter. I’ve failed countless times at many things, but the saving and downsizing for this trip has been relatively easy. We raised our standards about the way we were living our lives because we were motivated to do so.
The question is, how do you find that sweet spot of creating enough motivation to raise your standards (and your “usual thoughts”)? That seems to be (for me) the holy grail of lasting change.
My husband and I changed our diet to eat a high amount of fresh raw foods each day. It has changed everything, for the better.
The only way I can keep doing it is to “allow” myself the indulgences when I want. I’ll have that piece of cake or a cup of coffee now and then. This way I don’t feel deprived and I can remember why I like eating fresh and light.For me , it;s the best of both worlds.
I love what you and your husband are up to…you’re not only inspiring me,you’re showing me that I can do it too!Thanks.
Kate, that is a great attitude. I think when you stick to a healthy eating plan 85% of the time you will still do fine. I am currently drinking a cup of decaf coffee and am on day 2 of no caffeine after a week of “half-caf” coffee. Onward and upward!
Thank you for the kind words about the blog. We get just as much inspiration from our readers…believe me. I love hearing from you guys.
I agree with Kate about letting yourself have the “off-limit” item occasionally so you don’t feel deprived. I learned that growing up with a mom who was always on a diet- she was obsessed with food. I think the obsession grew out of the deprivation.
When I gave up smoking, I wanted the non-smoking life and health more than I wanted the cigarettes. I had tried many times before, but that was the key.
Your bit about the cake cracked me up.