Honeymoon in Paris
Editor’s note: Today’s post is a reprint from last year. Yep, I still feel the same way about raising your standards for love and romance all year long.
You heard me. I’m taking it back. No cards, candy, dinner dates, or jewelry for me.
Think about it. Romance only ONE DAY of the year? At the same time everyone else is instructed to have romance (talk about supply and demand)?
We have never really celebrated Valentine’s Day, and I’ll tell you why this works.
- There are no inflated expectations over a single day that make or break your relationship for the next several weeks.
- We strive to have a little bit of romance in our daily lives and regular doses of big romance on our own schedule.
- We save a ton of money that can be used for several smaller dates instead of one big one (you do know that you pay more for everything on Valentine’s Day, right?)
Romance shouldn’t be a once-a-year blowout where the biggest bouquet of flowers or shiniest bauble shows how much you love each other. There is no score to keep when you refuse to set up arbitrary dates like February 14 to show your undying love.
What if one of you is sick (“no really, I have a headache!”), or has a bad day at work, or really just isn’t in the mood to put on a big show? Does it mean you don’t love the other person? Of course not.
So, I’m taking back February 14 as a regular day, a Saturday in this case, and I’m going to do my regular Saturday thing, which includes dinner at home with my husband and some everyday romance and gratitude for each other.
Lower your expectations for February 14 and raise your expectations for romance throughout the year.
“The art of love… is largely the art of persistence.” ~ Albert Ellis
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About Betsy
An interesting idea! Are you sure your husband didn’t write this!?
I like having a special day for romance, but realized a very long time ago that men dread it unless they are given simple instructions on how to "succeed." They hate playing the guessing game of what a woman wants! Past boyfriends have joyfully let me plan the day, or gratefully responded to simple requests such as "buy me roses, no chocolates please, and take me to dinner. I’ll dress up, look fabulous, and be thrilled!"
Oh to think of Valentine’s past… I’ve broken up with a boyfriend once on Valentine’s Day. The pressure of the day and all make it too difficult to be dishonest with myself (I just wantn’t that into him.)
Another past boyfriend wrote me a note, but I wanted flowers. Oh my…to be that young & dumb again, no thank you!
Kate, I actually have always been sort of anti-holiday. I know it is not a popular stance, but I also know that after Valentine’s day is when I hear all the stories about how it didn’t live up to expectations for other people. And then I wonder why people put themselves through that when there was nothing wrong in the first place. (and if there is something wrong in the first place, a romantic holiday can’t hide it like Dani says)
Good for you for setting expectations out loud and making it easy to go along if that’s what works in your relationship.
What a full circle many of us have come. When I was single, divorced, with small child, I always WISHED someone would send me flowers on Valentine’s Day, take me out to dinner, etc. And I hated the day.
Then I met a very practical man who I realized later loved me deeply, but who didn’t fall for that "send her roses or she’ll think you don’t care" crap. He said he’d rather buy me a rose bush, which I thought at the time was very unromantic.
And now, I am sitting at the dining room table with my one true love (not the above mentioned man) and we are both working on business stuff. Together. I couldn’t care less that it’s Feb. 14. It’s really about being there for each other 365 days a year. Not about one crass, commercial day.
I guess I feel the same way about this day you do, Betsy.
You go gitl! My husband does not like having to "show me love" on a given day, just because someone told him to. Like you, he feels you should show it every day and not have the excuse that some people have of being a complete a** the other 364 days but they get to make it all up to you on Valentine’s day! I remember one Valentine’s day many years ago when I got mad at my long-distance boyrfriend for not sending flowers to my work like all the other gals (I was right out of college, forgive me). So I rode the bus home and stopped at a florist to buy my own damn rose – and ended up chuckling at all the desperate men in line with me, getting their last minute flowers so they would not kicked to the curb. It made all my anger and frustration seem ridiculous. It’s a nice holiday in theory to set aside a day for love, but you are right – too much pressure!
I’m all for having a day that is all about romance, but isn’t that called "Anniversary" or "Friday night out to dinner"? Nice post Betsy (in fact great blog). What makes life really wonderful for my husband and I is cooking and entertaining so each year on Valentine’s Day we buck the system by having a V-Day Anarchy Party – it is a themed food fest of our choosing for a group of friends that find the thrill of sharing time and cuisine together just about the most fun you can have with your loved one. A forced sentiment vs. a shared one is always more impactful in my mind. congratulations for joining the alt-culture team!
Unfortunately, school teaching keeps up certain traditional views, which have been out of date for many years and which obscure the understanding of the actual state of affairs. ,
“Romance only ONE DAY of the year?”
Where is THAT written? If one is going to pin all of one’s hopes and dreams on one day, then I can see where the angst comes from but I’m gonna call that foul on the receiver, not on the holiday itself.
Lighten up, Francis.
love this! “Lower your expectations for February 14 and raise your expectations for romance throughout the year.”
OMG, Betsy and the whole lot of you, I love, love, love these posts!
I’ve been one of those people who says, why wait for Hallmark’s permission to give gifts, light candles (which you may or may not ceremoniously blow out), dress up like a Diva, stay up past midnight (or go to bed before the ball is even close to dropping)? Life could be a daily celebration of that’s the kind of living we want to create.
I’m so convinced that romantic love is over-rated and often a vehicle for crazy commercialism that I’ve written a funny book about that combination called Cracking Up: Laugh or Go Crazy Trying to Be A Good Girl. I originally intended the book as a warning to my six nieces (also raised Roman Catholic, even attending my same school and church every day of their life, except, of course, on the Jewish Sabbath). I meant it to be a nutty memoir of growing up Roman Catholic and to spoof all the crazy messages that one receives about what most guys, (including God), like or don’t like in girls with whom they may approve and marry or disapprove and cast into outer darkness with the other lonely women who go eventually go “crack up.” Oye! It was so much fun unloading that rant in a little book and I hope and pray that the book has been useful, or will even be read by my nieces!
Again, thanks for your pluck and verve, keep it coming!
Love all the comments on this post! Whether you decide to celebrate or not is not the issue. What is the issue is making love a priority in your life 365 days a year. Don’t wait for a holiday to get what you need/want. Life is too short.
Thanks for sharing your book with us, Jennifer. I’m a big fan of the smart-ass take on being a good girl and working hard to perfect my style.