A couple of weeks ago I was sitting in a conference room with many of my peers when I suddenly realize that they are all going forward without me. Every person in that room would be further ahead in their career in 3 years, and I am just walking away. The feeling was overwhelming and without time for rational thought it felt like a punch to the gut. It has taken me some time to become comfortable with this realization and talk about it, but I was quite upset by the knowledge that others would pass me by in the one area I have always prided myself…work.
Yes, I have spent the last 18+ months planning the next phase of my life, selling our house, picking our rough path around the world and enjoyed every minute of the process. But in that one moment I was knocked on my ass and forced to confront what I was walking away from instead of what I was heading towards.
For 20 years I have been on a generally upward career trajectory, always building to the next opportunity. I have funneled my passion directly into each job, and put all my energy towards doing what was needed to get ahead. I am extremely pleased looking back on my career and all that I have accomplished. Frankly, I would not change a thing because each of those accomplishments and failures put me in this exact moment preparing for a change. However, the idea of not following my teammates up to the next rung of the ladder is hard to swallow.
Now, with less than 6 months until this chapter of my life closes, I have a feeling of remorse for what all I am leaving behind. My decision to walk away from a career I have become pretty damn good at is proving to be harder on me than I could have imagined.
At this point I have decided to just allow myself to reflect on what I have accomplished and celebrate my successes. From landing my dream job, to starting my own company, to being CEO of another, and to my current role at Microsoft I have a great deal of fondness for the journey to this point. In many ways, leaving my career feels like a death to me. There is not a single thing in my life to date that I have put this much work into and on September 30 I am walking away, and I am not quite comfortable with this yet.
For those of you seeking to embark on a similar lifestyle change, I warn you that there may be a moment when the reality crashes into the “dream” and you realize you are giving up more than you thought when you were drunk on the fun of planning. Be ready for it, embrace it, but don’t be surprised. Here is how I am dealing with it:
- Realize that platitudes suck – everyone will have one for you “…better things ahead”, “…focus on the future”, “…you won’t remember this in 3 months”, “…you were not that good at this job anyway” (ok, the last one may not apply to everyone). Sorry, but none of these sayings will help but it is what people need to tell you in polite society. It will not give you comfort, but knowing it is coming will help to ensure you just smile and nod.
- Focus on your successes and achievements – make an actual list of what you achieved in your career. Don’t worry about sounding cocky, this is your list. Write about what you did, how it make you feel, why it made you so happy, and how important it was to you and to the company/employees/etc.
- Mourn the loss of your career – that’s right, ball up into the fetal position cry your eyes out, scream into the night, turn on some Enya and a good Scotch…whatever it is that you need to do to express your pain. Accept that losing your career is hard for you and thus spend the time to mourn it’s loss.
- Remember why you made the decision – now that your eyes are dry, focus on why you made the decision. Remember that you are not running away from your career or job, but instead you are running towards a new lifestyle.
- Create a list of all the things you put off doing – if you are like me, lists make the world go ‘round so having one is true comfort. Build a new list of those things you want to accomplish in the next phase of your life and begin building your new “career” in whatever is it that makes you happy and fits within the new lifestyle design you are building.
Each step has taught me something about myself and made me a better boss/employee/worker. Now as I embark on a different path I am looking forward to what life will be like without the career to be my guiding forward. At different points in my life I have wanted to write, learn a language, become a better photographer, learn to SCUBA dive, skydive (ONCE) and so much more…but I have always put my career objectives first. While I am struggling to say goodbye to my career mistress, I know the future holds more than I can fathom.
I would love to hear your stories and how you have dealt with this situation. Is there happiness after a long-term career? Am I the only one going through this?
About Warren
Wow. I’m glad you decided to discuss this. I’ve made a decision to leave my job soon and it would be so much harder if I hated it and felt like I had to leave. I often liken it to a married couple who discovers one wants to have children and the other doesn’t so they split, not out of anger, but out of a difference in future plans. It would probably be so much easier if they hated each other.
Although your coworkers may theoretically be ahead of you in their careers in a few years, I guarantee many of them would like to be doing what you’re doing.
Hate to tell you warren, but that feeling doesn’t go away easily. We have been on the road 8 1/2 months now with 5 more to go and I can’t wait to go back to work. Never in my wildest dreams did I think we would miss having a routine but we so do. And sometimes I worry that we won’t even remember how to do our chosen careers. So, by the time we do settle and start to look for jobs again, it’s going to be quite the new adventure. Another thing that was a surprise to us is how much work traveling is–it is a full time job! Seems like you are always feeling your way around not knowing exactly how things work or where everything is and being on guard not to get scammed. Nobody tells you this but traveling is challenging and we have met plenty of people who are only traveling for a month or two that ask, “how do you do it”? They are already pooped. At any rate, we are enjoying every minute of this and taking it literally as it comes. We are traveling slower now, which makes a big difference and enjoying each other’s company more and our surroundings as well. We are loving S.E. Asia!!
Anyways, you will understand in about a year or so. We are so excited to get your updates and follow your travels. Congrats on selling your house and good luck at the Solstice. I wish I had the balls to do something like that!!!
It’s easy to get caught up in the excitement of travel aspects when planning a career break/sabbatical. But for career breakers, you are letting go of so much more (home, lifestyle, career…). But there are ways that you can still use your career break to build your skills or focus on new ones.
We’ve actually teamed up with some career break/sabbatical coaches who work specifically with people & companies on career breaks & sabbaticals. Just today we launched our “Ask A Coach” program where they will answer career-related questions! So the timing of your post is perfect!
Hopefully we can build on this discussion and help people who are struggling like yourself.
im excited for you not just because you’re gonna travel the world but also because of a brave decision of re designing your life…
i dont have much experience as you do but the only thing that i can suggest is to trust your gut feel and enjoy the moment.
at the end of the day, when all the glitter of successes fade and when all the ‘failures’ have been forgotten, we will then realize what we’re really made of…
Great post, tough I am probably quite a lot longer than you, I don’t believe that…
(a) You leave your career for good – there is always a way back, either back in your home country or somewhere abroad [or even whilst you are travelling]
b) That being you can’t build skills and experience whilst travelling. The internet is such that if your job involves the internet, a computer and connection is all you need to work.
As I say, I am probably a different case but on moving to Thailand I had kissed my career goodbye for a few years, yet a few months later I found my self working in a similar space (using my career experience) and now I’ve got myself into a much better (read more enjoyable) opportunity whilst being able to remain in Thailand. If/when I go back my experiences here will shine above anything I could’ve done back home on my career-path, no matter how creative/driven I’d been.
Just a cursory glance at many I follow on Twitter from SE Asia shows many are travelling and working simultaneously despite having initially quit their careers to globe trot.
You may find a new opportunity comes your way whilst travelling and your career and yourself become all the richer for it.
This sounds very similar to me. Although I was a bit earlier in my career (I was 31 when I quit) I had at that point still worked my way up, gotten the dream job, and launched myself very quickly for my age into a position where I was doing exactly the kind of work I wanted to be doing. It was one of those jobs where people in your life yell at you for quitting it. “What are you thinking?!”
I wanted to puke. I freeeaaaked out. Not that I defined myself by my career, but it felt like losing a limb. I was petrified that I was making a huge mistake. It was a really tough 6 months.
I’m two years past that now. You do mourn it, but you move on. The things I loved about my job– solving problems, feeling like I belonged, planning, leading teams– I’ve found ways to incorporate that into my life now. I think for people who do well in their careers, it’s harder to make the leap, but ultimately we do better in the long term. We thrive on challenges. We like to build things or fix them or organize them. That won’t go away. Right now you’ve taken something away from your life, but you haven’t put anything back in. Eventually you will.
I had a friend in Texas who used to say, “It’s like taking your hand out of a bucket of water.” The rest of your life will rush in so fast you’ll never even see the hole.
Great advice! Good luck.
I can relate to this. I left my job in 2007 and I’ve been in a funk ever since, waiting for the move and wandering what I will do next (career wise). I was good at my work, but was in a place where I was very unhappy. Having done well in my career for nearly 15 yrs, I guess you could say I was burned-out and all I could think about was living abroad, particularly, Asia. It’s been three years, I’ve traveled a lot since I left my job, and the great thing of it all is that moving to Thailand has become a reality. Absolutely looking forward to visiting the surrounding countries slowly. Hopefully, I will find something else to keep me busy but happy doing it, whatever that is!!
What a brave decision you are making. You will learn a lot about yourself in the coming months. Hang in there!
Best wishes to you and your journey.
I left my career at 35 and as an art director feared that I would fade into the night and not be welcomed back. I had regrets and fears and kept thinking about what would be waiting for me in a bad economy when I returned. The reality was I DID forget about all those fears once I put the first month on the road behind me.
I traveled for 2.5 years eating up every experience and loving it.
Reality becomes the road traveled. Every bit of those years I treasure over most other memories in life. The value of what I experienced daily in my travels far exceeded expectations and filled me with confidence and inspiration to start working again. I have now been back at work for almost 2 years and all I can think about is my next big adventure. It is a lifestyle of learning and adventure that keeps your spirit flowing in high gear 24/7.
If you think you feel regret now just wait until you come back. Then you’ll deal with heart-breaking regret about ending your journey too soon which is a much more emotional fear. Now in addition to contemplating my next trip I also dream and wonder what country I will relocate to, start a business and live happily ever after.
Thanks for sharing your story. Have a great adventure!
Scott
Wow, lots of thoughtful comments already. Thank you guys for weighing in on what is a very tough situation for Warren. He’s actually at a conference today, so he won’t be able to respond right away.
I think this has a lot to do with identity and how we see our place in this world. When career is #1, it is hard to imagine what will fill that space when it is gone. And our only travel comparison is a vacation, which is quite different from traveling full-time (or so I imagine).
This is going to be an ongoing conversation over the coming months, I’m sure. Thanks for helping us work through it.
Thank you for the wonderful post. You really summed up exactly how I felt for the past 6 months or so. Although I was certain that changing my life was the right thing for me, I hadn’t expected that leaving my career would be so difficult. I went through the emotions you describe here, and for me, it started to get easier as the departure date approached. My last day of work is this Friday and I’m finally feeling ready to leave a career that I enjoyed and excelled at. And if I ever feel like I made a wrong decision, then I will come back and pick up in my career where I left off.
It has helped me to remember that life is a series of decisions, and if something isn’t going to way you want it to, you simply change your decisions and start again. You can always go back – it’s the going forward that’s the hard part, but always the most rewarding.
Congratulations on taking such a big step forward.
I talked to a skier once who asked me about snow boarding. She said she was afraid to try snowboarding because she might like it too much and she loves skiing so much…. Ok, I told her try it, you can always ski again. So try snowboarding… Skiing will be there if you need it to go back to it. Essentially we all travel the same mountains in life; it is just a matter of how you do it…
Good luck, have fun & stay adventurous,
Craig
Yes, you can always go back or, better yet, utilize the strong points in your earlier career to build an even better one that allows you more freedom to enjoy uplifting experiences, as I have.
In this economy, those who can deal with profound and rapid change have a huge advantage. In three years, the other persons in that room may not be ahead of you in their careers at all.
All the best to you!
Hey Warren,
Absolutely there’s life after leaving the career. I did it the hard way though. Here are my two biggest mistakes.
1. I was over-confident about going into my business, but in a kind of “Yeah, here I am, the one you’ve been waiting for, kind of way.”
2. I burned bridges (which, thankfully, were only burned on my half)
I think mourning first is better than the order I did it in:
so long, suckers ==> I’m on fire ==> oh god, what have I done!
I have faith in you!!!!
For those of us that had been so career focus and defined by our career, leaving it behind is more than scary. It really is leaving a little bit of us behind. I think numbers 2 and 4 are most important for you now. The important thing is that you have had a career, you have had accomplishments and you can can always get back in the game. Think about why you made the decision and what was lacking that made you take this bold and brave step to get out there. It really is true that once you get out there, you will be wondering why you didn´t do it earlier. Get going on moving into your next phase as quickly as is feasible. It will help you move on and give you something positive to focus on. All the best.
Jeff
my husband and i left our careers and have been traveling, scuba diving, and doing a little volunteering for over 2 years. i loved my job (mentoring college students at UW) and i miss it a little, but i absolutely love what we are doing now. i think it is kind, wise, and healthy to mourn your loss and to celebrate the goodness and glory that you have experienced in your career. it feels like a great way to honor all that has led up to this very moment as you anticipate all that is to come. i’m excited for you and i don’t even know you. i’m looking forward to following your blog. my friend, hillary, met betsy and sent me your link.
Wow–I’d forgotten it, but the first time we moved to France, I actually went through a time where I felt truly depressed at leaving my job. I worked hard, had a job people in my field could envy, had lots of friends at work etc. I found myself without a career and even before I left I found myself working with my colleagues to plan things for next year that I would never see–so strange.
But now I’m so completely and entirely over it. Besides, I was able to return to my career for a bit in between moves to France and now, I’m actually thinking I’d like to try something completely new. hah! Thanks for the reminder. And if you are in mourning–just know that you will get over it!
Platitudes are facile and they suck. I also realize that I spin a few of my own below.
I have a few scattered thoughts from my experience, which took me and Audrey from San Francisco to Prague, then from Prague to now almost 3.5 years on the road. Each time I left something perfectly comfortable to satisfy my curiosity. The feelings you are having are reasonable, rather common and to be expected. Take comfort: you are not alone.
Just as you will change, so will the world you left. Who knows if the rung of the career ladder that you expected to grab will continue to be there. And should you ever decide to return to something that resembled the career you left, don’t think of it as “going back.” Think of yourself as evolving. If you think of it any other way, you will be selling short the courage you needed to muster to make the decision in the first place and you’ll be selling short the much wiser person you’ll have become.
Expectations. Manage them actively is all I can say. If everything comes as dazzlingly and exactly as you expect in your dreams, that’s cool…until the day something doesn’t quite work out. I find that disappointment in life comes with attachment to specific, unmet outcomes.
On a more practical note about working and career-building while traveling. The more full-on travel you do and the more you do it off the beaten path, the more challenging it will be to find the time and infrastructure to accomplish certain things. For example, when you are deep in the mountains or jungle, away from signals and electricity, it can be terrifically liberating…until the demon on your shoulder (or in your head) reminds you that you have work that needs doing. That’s been a particularly difficult nut for me to crack.
Any way you slice it, you certainly won’t be wondering “What if?”
I really do not understand your despair. Perhaps I misread the article, but it sounds to me like you’re making a voluntary decision to leave. If that’s the case, celebrate the fact that you have the means to do so. Some people never will. IMHO your jealousy of your peers pollutes the purity of your decision to walk away. Unfortunately the pursuit of happiness often comes with some kind of perceived sacrifice in this country b/c we’re are programmed to believe in the american dream: that happiness is not a right, its something you have to earn with hard work. You’re about to experience freedom like you’ve never had before. It’s a good thing. To hell with your peers. This is your life, and I guarantee you when you’re ready to return to the workforce you will be more energized and ready to rock and roll then any of those people.
What a great article! I think every person at one point or another feel a similar need to pack and travel the world…leave their work behind and try something new. Life is too short to be spent working! Taking a 2 week vacation every year will not cut it. Life is an adventure and must be experianced while you have your health and enegry. Go for it and never look back. If you start doubting it will mess up the experiance. Traveling around the world will transform you into a better human being as it will help you realize the magic of life! I have yet to meet a person who regretted traveling around the world, but I have met many people who lamnted staying in their jobs and not doing what you planing on doing. At the end of the day my friend, we are all going to die. Work, possessions, being a director at MS, CEO, etc will mean nothing. At the end of the day, you don’t want to die with regrets…and saying to yourself I should’ve, I could’ve, I would’ve…
Just left my career with no real plan. I just knew that it and I were at an end. I had checked all the blocks and achieved as much as I was interested in. My husband left his(ten years older) but he never really had a desire to achieve career status.
Now we venture into what to do next. Plenty saved. House paid for. He is content to walk with the dogs and make wood furniture. I have an application for the Peace Corps in the saved documents. After 28 years- it will be interesting to see if we make it together or apart in the end….
I love, love, love this post! As someone that is about to embark upon the biggest change in my life, to date, it spoke directly to me. You see, I am also in technology and have been building my career for over 13 years. In 3 weeks, I will be marrying and moving to a remote island in the middle of the Pacific to be with the man of my dreams and start my new life. So thank you for your words of wisdom.
Hi Dianna,
I am so pleased that this post connected with you. Sounds like you are about to embark on a huge adventure and I am so interested to hear more. I am sure you have read it, but I really enjoyed “The Sex Lives of Cannibals: Adrift in the Equatorial Pacific” by Maartin Troost. If your experience is anything like theirs I am jealous of the adventures you are going to have. Please drops us a line when you get there so we can share your story with the readers.
In uncertainty lies all possibility.
Have a wonderful trip.
nrhatch recently posted..Bradenton Farmer’s Market
OK, so I am waaaay late to this party. But I thought I’d mention that I can totally empathize with your feelings on this. I went through a very similar cycle of emotions when I recently left my job of 11 years to take an expat job in the Philippines. I can only imagine that it would have been twice as intense had I actually been leaving my career behind altogether, even if only temporarily.
But I will say that I’m confident that you’ll be able to resume your career if and when you choose to do so. The core skills and being able to get people to recognize the value that you can bring are what matters. The specifics of the technology are always changing anyway. When I made my move I changed geography, company, industry and technology stack and role. It has been a challenge, but it’s all coming together now.
I’ll very much enjoy following your adventures as you travel the world. And if you make a stop in the Philippines drop by and say hi
Mike Stankavich recently posted..Typhoon Juan Megi Update
Hi Mike, thank you so much for the comment. It is wonderful to meet people willing to follow their dreams no matter how scary it may be. Congrats for taking such a huge step and for sharing it here. I cannot imagine the change that such a move has had and the wonderful new experiences you have had from working in another country. Long term becoming an expat is something we are considering more seriously each week. Would love to hear from you about your experience and the potential pitfalls we should avoid.
We will absolutely we visiting the Philippines and would love to meet you in person. May be a year or more away, but would love to stay in touch.
just reading your “older” posts — as a fellow GAPer— I only caught up to you while you were ON A BOAT” My husband and I did Peru with GAP in 2000…..
I was SO looking forward to retirement — even had signs on the wall — 30 days left, etc….
then one day, I went back to the office for someone else’s farewell party and was MOST annoyed that someone else was at my desk, doing my thing !!!
Hi Joyce,
Thank you for the message. For over 700 days I counted down the days. It became a big joke with my co-workers and friends. I had countdowns set up on every device I owned and anytime people would ask I knew it immediately.
When I finally left in September, the day before we left for this trip, I did not look back. I am not sure how I would feel today going back as it seems like a completely different life and I feel like a different person. Alas, all that fear has been replaced with happy times and great new memories.