So you want to travel around the world / write a book / start a company / create a masterpiece. We all have big dreams. Some people work slow and steady toward those dreams and achieve them, while others seems to have an overnight success that makes us jealous. But the majority of us just never make a move toward that dreamy goal.
- “Too many people are depending on me”
- “I’ve invested too much time/money/effort in my current life”
- “If only I were 10 years younger”
- “What will other people think?”
- “I don’t have time”
(Photo by Warren Talbot)
The truth is that we can all start working toward our big goals right this very minute, but that’s not the point of this article. What I’m going to suggest to you is the lazy girl’s option for creating big change in your life.
Start small. Really small. In fact, it doesn’t even need to have anything to do with your big goal. Challenging your status quo will wake you up to the possibilities and show you that change is not as scary on the inside as it is looking at it from the outside.
Claim Your Excuse
It may or may not be in the list above, but you definitely have an excuse. Even if you are on the path to your dream you may run into the same stumbling block over and over. Figure out what your excuse is and why it matters so much to you.
One of my issues (oh yes, you can have more than one!) is fearing what other people with think. And when you decide to sell everything you own to travel the world you will get opinions from friends and family as well as total strangers. Your skin has to be thick sometimes.
To combat this issue, I’ve taken up a series of smaller changes that focus on putting myself out there in ways that are uncomfortable to me and that invite judgement from others. One was training for the half-marathon. The other was dyeing my hair blonde this past weekend.
You see, I’ve talked about doing this for a really long time. And I’ve been coloring my hair in shades of red and brown for years now. But I could never make the leap to blonde because:
- People wouldn’t take me seriously
- I’m too old for such a drastic change
- It might look terrible
I toyed with dyeing it before the race and chickened out. Then I kept talking about it and Warren encouraged me to do it, but I found excuse after excuse to not do it. Finally, he said “you’re not usually the type of person to back down from what you want to do.”
And you know what? He’s right. (This is where I could pull out my Lady Gaga quote from a couple of weeks ago: “Bitch, you’re Betsy Talbot and you will rock that blonde hair!”)
Pick a Gutsy Minor Change
mid-dye - too late to turn back now!
Last weekend Warren and I both dyed our hair blonde. (Isn’t he great for doing this with me? Especially when I did not ride naked in the parade with him?)
It was a fun afternoon, and neither one of us were permanently damaged by it. Most of the feedback has been good, and even when people don’t necessarily like it, they like the idea that we were adventurous enough to try it. And you know what? I just might keep it this way.
Warren faced the exact same fear when he rode naked in the Solstice Parade last month. It’s all about pushing your comfort zone in a minor way (well, public nudity might not be so minor where you live!) in order to impact the bigger changes you want to make in your life.
It also makes sense. If you are not willing to face public criticism for the color of your hair, will you be able to face it when you tell people you are selling your house and quitting your job to travel? Or starting your own company? Or writing a book?
So pick your challenge: dye your hair, paint a room bright red, or even chop your hair off into a really short ‘do. Perhaps you can even sell your fancy car for a second-hand one to stop keeping up with the Jones’, or decide to live without cable for a month to concentrate on other things.
WHATEVER.
Just pick something that will help you get over your fear. You may have to do more than one thing, or engage in a series of things, to keep your momentum going.
Evaluate the Feedback
This is the anticlimactic part. The part that you were dreading that is really No.Big.Deal. Seriously, you will kick yourself for worrying about this consequence so much. Hair grows back. Rooms can be repainted. Cars can be bought and sold and replaced. And cable can always be turned back on (believe me, they’ll even give you a discount to get you back).
If you have big goals in mind, you are going to face challenges, criticism, and setbacks. And if you can’t even weather it with a small change, then maybe you need to rethink your goal.
But I’m betting that you’ll rock that new hairstyle, live it up in your new red room, and think of all the money you’re saving while driving around in your used car or getting things done because you aren’t watching television for 5 hours every night.
Can you think of a minor change that would motivate you to accomplish your bigger goal?
About Betsy
Betsy,
In the past year, you have become my role model. The start small advice is huge. I let my hair go to natural (no more coloring!) and for me, at this stage in my life, that is platinum. Because I started the coloring quite early, I never had the chance to see the real me. I did it for me and it is small, but significant.
I am also back to my own writing. So far, it’s just a half hour a day but it is consistent. Right after breakfast, right before showering.
I have always had that kind of “all or nothing” things going on, so the small steps is something new for me.
I love to challenge the “I’m too old to do this” theory. My daughter took some “life experience” time for herself after high school. When she was considering going back to college, she said to me, “But I’ll be XX in 4 years, by the time I graduate!”
I smiled. Then I said, “And how old will you be in 4 years if you DON’t do this?”
Your journey has been so exciting—and inspiring—to watch. Thanks for sharing it so freely.
Judy, I think going platinum when you are still young is a pretty big deal. Good for you for reclaiming your roots (literally!). Your daughter has a great role model.
Do you find with consistent writing that you are getting into more of a groove? Can you see the timeframe expanding in the future? I think our dreams get so much more momentum when we give them the proper care and feeding.
BabySteps. That’s what the FlyLady (from http://www.flylady.net) recommends when making changes in your life. Take a small step, then another small step, then another. Before you know it, you’ve achieved the whole thing.
Hey, Lucy. I love the Fly Lady, though I don’t actually have a house of my own to clean anymore! But it’s true, and I always think of how much progress people could make with just one tiny step a day. But it’s easier to look out and tell that to another person than it is to look inward and do it yourself, isn’t it? That’s why it is so good to hang out with supportive, goal-oriented people. Thanks for commenting.
Betsy and Warren, way to ROCK the blonde! I totally get what you’re saying – I went the opposite, from blonde(ish) to brown, and you’re right… it’s No.Big.Deal. It’s actually fun, as well as empowering! For me, it’s a reminder that I’m always at choice, and doing something small offers evidence that I’ll survive (and thrive!) if I break away from “the way things are supposed to be.”
You both have inspired my husband and me to talk about what our ideal lifestyle is, and to think outside the box, without the shoulds. It feels so liberating to even THINK about it, I’m excited to put things in motion.
Feeling gratitude for the journey,
~Beth
Beth, you’ve just written the phrase of the day: “It’s a reminder that I’m always at choice.” I love that, and too often we forget that very simple fact. Thanks for sharing.
I just found you guys from Free Pursuits and love your idea. Best of luck to you both and I look fwd to following you along the journey. Thanks for the inspiration
Hugh, we love that blog! The interview with Corbett was a lot of fun. Thanks for stopping by – we hope to see you here again.
Hi Betsey,
This is great advice. And also, way less intimidating than major, life-altering change.
I recently did a detox diet, to clean out all the caffeine, sugar and junk that’s perpetually in my system (I am not a healthy eater). The surprising thing about this process has been that this one small thing (a nutritional change), actually has a ripple effect. My moods, energy and outlook are different. Amazingly, from this perspective, a lot of other things now seem possible.
Thanks so much for leading by example. Your openness with your process is awesome. I love it.
Happy Thursday,
Shea
Hi, Shea. Being healthy and being out of debt accomplish the same goals – they free you up to see what else is possible in life. As long as you don’t feel good and have more bills than cash it is hard to see very far ahead of where you are.
Congrats on your new healthy lifestyle and positive changes. You’ll have to check back and let us know how things are going. We’re all leading by example here, aren’t we?
You both look good. Cute actually, and happy to be blonde.
I do love a redhead, though!
Spoken like a redhead! Thanks, MRC.
You two are an inspiration!!
So is it true that blondes have more fun?
You know, Kate, I’m not sure I could have more fun in this life. But the blonde is a fun new take on things.
I LOVE it! It looks perfect with that room, and so I think you should dye your hair each time you’re in new surroundings.
Your new less frequent posting makes me anticipate each post, and I couldn’t wait until I had time to come on over and make a comment on this one.
I put a blue streak in my hair for my husband’s birthday this year and afterward I couldn’t believe I hadn’t done it sooner. Not only was it no biggie, like you say- after all, it’s only hair, but it actually looked surprisingly good and I can’t imagine going back to plain old brown again.
This is a fab post, and I’ve learned this lesson over and over in my life, doing these “smaller” things are how we know we can do “anything” and plus they’re fun!
Way to live, you guys!
You know, Angela, I remembered your post about the blue streak when I was thinking of doing this, so thanks to you for being part of my inspiration. And I like the idea of changing my hair color to match my surroundings – that could get interesting on a trip like ours!
I’m so glad you like the new posting schedule. Traffic is up – way up – so I guess we made the right move. Sometimes less is more.
p.s. I would definitely not call public nudity “no big deal.” Way bigger deal than selling your house and traveling around the world, in my opinion.
Good point. I think that once we started down the path with all these changes it is another exciting thing I jumped into with both feet. Though I agree it is hard to consider this “no big deal”:)