One would think that riding naked in a parade would be enough sharing for a year.  However, I realized after Betsy wrote her post last week giving you a deeper insight into who she is that I have yet to provide you with a similar back-stage insight into Warren Talbot.  Be warned, it is scary to see how my mind works but for you who are adventurous here is a view into my life and what guides my decisions and how I approach each new day:

1. My father was killed by a drunk driver when I was 10 and he was 32. I have become who I am today because of this reality and it has shaped many of the decisions and attitudes I hold dear to this day. One of the strangest days in my life was the day I realized I was older than him at his death and that I would have an opportunity at experiences he never could realize. As a unintended consequence I discovered that my mother is the most amazing person I know for raising us while dealing with the loss of her spouse and partner. While I would never wish this upon anyone, the truth is that I would not change it either as the resulting relationship with my mother is something I deeply cherish.
2. I live my life by the credo “live life with no regrets”.  My theory is that there is nothing I can do to change the decisions I have made or the things that have happened around me, so the only thing I can control is how I will respond to it.
3. While I am an atheist, I read constantly about different religions to understand their origins and belief systems.  I believe that religion will be the ultimate downfall of society and that deeply troubles me. Logically I cannot understand why so many beliefs based on the same principles could create such strife and misery in the world, but each day I read more in hopes to discover the rationale.
4. I love dogs…ok I love ALL animals.  I am worried that when we get on the road my heart will be broken by all the dogs on the streets and I will constantly try to convince Betsy to let me take them all home.
5. I love to debate virtually any issue. I find that in debate you have the opportunity to learn how other people think and to understand their perspective on an issue or life in general.  It seems to me there is no better way to learn about an issue (or a person) than to dive into a healthy and honest debate.
6. In my life I have never taken a vacation longer than 1 week. This seems rather odd when you consider we are about to embark on a 3+ year trip around the world.  I often worry how I will handle this much down-time and my ability to adjust to a life OF vacation and not a life FOR vacation.
7. I am a staunch supporter for gay marriage. While I am not gay myself I see absolutely no logical reason why we should not allow 2 consenting adults that love each other to share the same rights that Betsy and I have available to us.  I will debate this point with anyone, at any time, much to the chagrin of my wonderful wife.
8. My career is not who I am.  Until 2 years ago I could never imagine uttering these 7 words.  I have defined myself by my career for almost 20 years, but today I sit here comfortable with the idea of not letting my career say who I am.  The challenge now becomes creating a new definition for myself, and that scares the shit out of me.
9. The movie, book, and soundtrack of “Into the Wild” engrosses my interest to an almost manic level.  I am mesmerized by the story of wanting a simpler life and the extremes to which some people will go to pursue their adventure.  While I never expect to wander off into the wilderness, the story inspires me to want more from the life I have.
10. I am jealous of people that can walk up to any stranger and break the ice without effort. The character Hank Moody on “Californication” has the attitude I aspire to for my life.  Carefree and willing to think the best of people at all times, and I know I must push myself outside of my comfort zone to be better.
11. I have a disproportionate sense of fairness and deplore people who feel they are entitled to better treatment or that the rules of society do not apply.  My list of pet peeves (and there are many) all center here.  Put your shirt on when you are driving, mowing, running, yoga etc.  Do not use your cell phone in a restaurant. Respect pedestrians when you are driving.  Ah, this is but a glimpse and I wish it did not bother me so much.
12. I count myself lucky have found my perfect partner in life.  I cannot imagine finding a more perfect person to spend my life.  Every day I wake up next to her I smile and know it will be a good day.  She makes me a better person just being with her.
13. I always assume that the high point of my life is ahead of me.  I have never been happier than I am at this point in my life, but fully expect to be happier tomorrow.
14. I do not pine to be a different age than I am right now.  I cannot recall ever wanting to go back to my 20′s or even remotely considered the idea of going back to high school appealing.  I am 39, cannot change this, and frankly would not want to if I could.
15. I am a great story teller, but as evidenced by the length of this post, I can get deeply engrossed in the narrative.  I find that stories help me to be a better communicator as well as bring life to my experiences as I relay them to others.
16. The Pacific Northwest is a gorgeous place to live and I will miss it while we are gone.  Many people believe that I am running away from here but the truth is I simply want to experience more of what the world has to offer.
17. I have signed a contract that forbids me from telling the story of how Betsy and I met.  It is still my favorite story…
18. I struggle to stay focused on any project and my mind rarely slows down.
19. In my life I have used the snooze alarm less than 5 times.  I realize this may seem blasphemous to many of you and I hope you still respect me.  I am here today to announce to you all: “My name is Warren Talbot and I am a morning person”.
20. For the first time in my life I cannot tell you where I plan to be or what I will be doing in 6 months. This idea both excites and terrifies me.
21. I feel most alone in a crowd of people.  While I am an incredibly social person, I will not walk up to strangers and start making conversation. However, once the ice is broken I could sit and chat for hours.
22. In the last 4.5 years I have not driven to work and I would be happy to never drive a car again.  I find that I am most stressed in my life when behind the wheel and thus can go weeks/months without driving.  Public transportation is my friend.
23. I do not know what I will DO when we return from the trip, and I have finally come to peace with this.  My lack of concern is now freaking me out.
24. I want this trip to help me become the person I aspire to be.  I have created a list of things I want to get out of the trip (be more patient, more willing to let go, more spontaneous (ok, any spontaneity))  and will share more in an upcoming post.

The experiences that have shaped me are varied and accumulated over almost 40 years.  Sitting down with a blank page and thinking about sharing who I am has been emotionally exhausting.  Creating the list above (and a much longer list of things I did not include) caused me to confront the difference between the facts of my life versus why I am the man I am.  The end result is that I am proud of who I have become and deeply grateful for all the experiences (good and bad) that molded me to this point.

What/who has shaped your life?

We are in the home stretch now, giving up almost all of our belongings before we move out this weekend. We interviewed each other on how we were feeling about this transition. One thing is for sure: no matter what your goal, you have to give something up to make room for the new thing/experience/activity in your life. You can’t have change if nothing changes!

Warren and Max at our retreat at Hotel Max in Seattle (photo by Betsy Talbot)

I have a confession to make:  I have a love/hate relationship with resolutions and the new year.  Most people I know (including me) come up with the same resolutions every year – lose weight, save more money, exercise – but we fall off the wagon before turning the page on January.  Why does this happen?  I think it has to do with not having a plan.

This year Warren and I were inspired by Chris Guillebeau to try something different.  Instead of making a list of habits we were going to change, we came up with outcomes we wanted and made action plans.  Big difference!

Check out the video below (if you are reading this in a feed you may need to click over to view the video), and then read below for the details on how we set up our Resolution Retreat.

How to set up a Resolution Retreat

1. Find a space away from your regular life to clear out distractions. I like thinking outside, but the cold rain of Seattle in January made that impossible.  We chose to go to a local hotel and use their meeting room (you can usually negotiate this if you also stay overnight in the hotel or use their restaurant for meals, especially on a day when it is likely to be available – like January 1).
2. Have an agenda and stick to it. We started with a review of last year – what went well and what didn’t – to put us in a the right frame of mind.  Then we talked about our personal goals, our goals as a couple, and then worked on the business goals of Married with Luggage and MWL Development.  From those goals (3-5 for each), we worked out action plans for each.  It sounds like a lot of work – and it was – but we left the day feeling like we really had a roadmap for accomplishing what we wanted in 2010.
3. Celebrate your hard work. Our retreat took an entire day, and we rewarded ourselves with a nice dinner and a night in a boutique hotel.  But you could just as easily take a long walk together, prepare a meal together, or head out for some entertainment like a movie or concert.  It just helps to let your brain relax after all that work.

The Outcome of our Retreat

By putting our heads together and hashing out what we wanted and how we could make it happen, we ended up with some really solid plans.

1. We have a solid promotion plan for selling our house. It would be great to sell it right away, but we are also prepared to sell it later and have a contingency plan for renting it if necessary.  I’m sleeping better now that we have this planned out.
2. My consulting business for women entrepreneurs is being rolled into MWL Development so that Warren and I can offer small business advice and websites/blogs in a package deal. This also means we can work the same hours when we’re on the road, which is very important to us from a lifestyle perspective.  This is a huge change for us.
3. We have big plans for Married with Luggage this year, including increasing our traffic, revising our ebook to include video and other money-saving resources, and partnering with sponsors to offer great deals for those of you who want to travel as a lifestyle.
4. Personally, we each have a few goals.  I’m running the half-marathon in June and plan to revise my 3-day novel and pitch it to publishers.  Warren is going to finish his Spanish course and ride in the Fremont Solstice Parade this summer.  And we’re both committed to exploring more of the Pacific Northwest in the time we have left here.
5. With plans in place, it makes it easy to move forward.  We are on the same page, so I expect fewer disagreements over what still needs to be done before we leave on October 1.

I love that we covered personal, couple, and business goals in the same day so we could see how they all worked together to give us the life we want.

Tips for Your Retreat

• Chris Guillebeau has a great series on the Annual Review. You can do this anytime, not just at the new year (in fact, wouldn’t your birthday be more appropriate?).  Check out his process here.
• If you’re in Seattle, check out the meeting space at Hotel Max.  We got the Twitter room rate (follow them @hotel_max) and negotiated the conference room for free because of the holiday.  If you choose to use a hotel, remember that everything is negotiable, especially when working with a locally-owned hotel.  Ask for what you want and get creative!  We loved that they sent a pet bed and treats to our room for Max.
• Make it public! What makes this better than the usual resolutions is that you have an action plan.  When you tell people what you need to make your goal come true, they have an easier time seeing how they can help you.  “I want to lose weight” is too general, but “I’m going to walk around the lake 3 times a week” may encourage a friend to join you for moral support.

Best wishes to you for a healthy, happy, and prosperous new year.  Tell me more about your goals for the new year in the comments below.

Photo via belgianchocolate via Flickr

Happy New Year!  For us this is an especially important day because it begins our last 9 months before leaving on the Big Trip.  Last week my friend Karen pointed out the similarity to a pregnancy, which I’ve been thinking about ever since.  And in the immortal words of Prissy from Gone with the Wind: “I don’t know nothin’ ’bout birthin’ no babies!”

Fortunately for me, we are spending today away from phones, the Internet, and other people to focus on how to use these last 9 months to lay a firm foundation for a successful round-the-world adventure.  You can think of it like a pregnant couple reading What to Expect When You’re Expecting.

So, what are we expecting?

1. Health changes: We aren’t expecting to gain weight.  Just the opposite, in fact.  We’ll focus on a healthy eating plan and increased exercise to get down to our best travel weight.  It will take a healthy body to carry a backpack every day.
2. New purchases: There are still some things to buy, such as our travel clothes and a new MacBook Pro.  By spreading out those purchases, we can absorb them into our current budget and not touch our trip savings.
3. Financial changes:  Living on a budget has been a fairly easy adjustment for us, but cutting down to $100/day is going to be a challenge, at least at first.  Our trip will be fun, but we’ll have to stay alert to the limitations of our budget.
4. Preventative care: We both need vaccinations for hepatitis/tetanus/flu and a very small first-aid kit for the trip. We’ll need to start some of these soon because they take a series of shots over time.
5. Housing changes: A pregnant couple might be looking for a bigger house, and we need to essentially become homeless.  Our house will be listed in the spring, though if you are dying for a great townhouse in Seattle we’d sell it to you tomorrow.
6. Work changes: While it is nice to think we could spend the next 3 years doing nothing but travel, I know that would be hard for us.  I love to write, and I get a mental boost from helping small business owners develop plans to reach their big goals.  Likewise, Warren loves building WordPress websites.  So we’ll work on transitioning this into manageable work while we’re on the road.  After all, if we can make a living doing this, the 3-year adventure might turn into something longer.  Wouldn’t that be worth 10-15 hours a week of work?
7. Family dynamics: As we get closer to our departure date, we’ll have to adjust to losing two of our family members.  The cat is going to live with my mom this spring, and our dog will be going to live with a friend in September.  As two people who completely overindulge their pets, it will be hard for us to learn to live without them.  They are going to great homes, so I have a feeling it will be much harder on us than it is on them.
8. Changing relationships:  A couple with a new baby might find that they don’t have as much time for friends, and because we are traveling thousands of miles away from ours we are going to experience a sudden change to our social lives.  We have a big group of friends and see them regularly, so it will be quite an adjustment to go back to just the two of us all the time.  Good thing we like each other!
9. A new way of living: On October 1, 2010 life will be completely different than it is today:  new surroundings, new people, new budget, and no real guidebook on how to do things.  I can’t even call my mom for advice on this!  Thankfully we’ve found a lot of great mentors online and expect to get by with only minor bumps along the way.

That’s a pretty hefty change over these next 9 months, and I’m excited to share it all with you.  And I consider myself pretty lucky – at least I don’t have a monthly weigh-in with the doctor.

What do the milestones look like for your big lifestyle project over the next 9 months?

Photo by Warren Talbot

I was listening to This American Life this week, and one story was about a man who acted out his dreams at night, to an often hilarious or scary result. His doctor told him he was missing a key chemical in his brain that signaled his body to stay sleeping while he was dreaming.

Think about that for a minute.

Our bodies produce a chemical that keeps us physically controlled while we dream. Sure it is for our own protection, but what happens when we wake up?

The more I thought about it, the more I realized how much some of my own dreams have been safely hidden inside a still body during my waking hours. Sure, I do a few things to move my dreams along, but not nearly what I could be doing. I’m specifically talking about this blog and making it into a bigger and better resource for people seeking a life change.

After thinking on this I came across a post by Darren Rowse of Problogger. He showed a Google Calendar of activities to author and promote a successful blog as part of one of his posts, and a lightbulb went off in my head.

You can use the same method to set out daily/weekly/monthly tasks to complete your goals, even if they have nothing to do with blogging.

How to set up a Google Calendar

If you don’t already have a Gmail account you will have to set one up to access the calendar (it is free). You can also adjust these instructions to make your calendar in Microsoft Outlook or on plain old pencil and paper.

1. Set up a Gmail account or log in to yours (www.gmail.com).
2. At the top of the screen, click on Calendar.
3. On the left you will see your calendar options. Click “Create” to set up a new calendar for each goal you want to work on (this will color-code the activities).
4. List the daily/weekly/monthly activities you need to do to reach your goal, whether it be exercise, education, networking, etc. You can set up recurring activities by clicking “Repeats” in the event details and selecting the frequency.
5. When you are done with your calendars you can click on each one to “activate” it in your current view.

When you look at your calendar now you should see a color-coded view of the steps you need to take to reach your goal. You can see Darren’s sample calendar here.

I just put mine together this week, and it is much more comprehensive and consistent than the editorial calendar I had been using. I’ll let you know over the next few weeks how this is working out for me.

Do you have calendar to remind you of the tasks you need to perform to reach your goals? How do you stay on track? Please let me know in the comments.

Other Planning Posts You Might Enjoy:

When is Your Personal Independence Day?

I Plan, Therefore I Am

Cook for a Day, Eat for a Month

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Betsy Talbot writes about carving the lifestyle you want out of the life you already have. When she’s not writing, she’s paring down, saving up, and getting ready for a year of travel with her husband Warren.

Editor’s Note: This is the final post in a short series on vacations.  Click here to read from the beginning.

Photo by nateOne

It happens all the time:  You plan the trip of your dreams, and somewhere along the way you fight with your travel partner and end up almost ruining the trip.  To top it off, the fight was over something stupid, like forgetting to pack an item, or even worse, a fight over something completely out of your control, like a trying to find good seats on a booked plane.  Why does this happen?

“You didn’t pack your swimsuit? How can you go to Hawaii without a swimsuit?  We’re all ready to go to the beach and now we have to drive to the store to get you a new swimsuit.  Do I need to check to see if you forgot anything else? Because this is not how I expected to be relaxing right now.”

“Why did you book me a middle seat on the plane? You know I need the exit row, and now I’m going to be uncomfortable the whole flight.  If this is how you planned everything else I can tell it is going to be a great trip.”

Okay, maybe your partner isn’t as dramatic as the above two examples, but I’ll bet you have a couple of memories of fights on trips that came about through poor communication, exhaustion, or differing travel styles, maybe even all three.

Good Communication

Why would anyone try to be a bad communicator?  Well, most of us don’t, but we do sometimes forget our communication skills when we are under stress.

It pays to have a conversation before your trip to discuss who has what responsibility and what each of you are expecting from this vacation.

• Who is taking care of hotel and transportation? Communicate preferences and discuss budgets first.
• How will you spend your days?  Will you have some alone time?  Do you want/need it?
• What kind of vacation do you want? (relaxation, adventure, romance, etc.)

Being in sync on this makes all the difference in the world.  You may not be crazy about your mate’s desire for an adventuresome vacation when you are looking for relaxation, but knowing that in advance will allow you to plan activities together and separately so you both get what you need.  Isn’t that what a partnership is all about?

Take Care of Yourself

It’s funny to think that you need more rest on vacation than in your normal busy life, but many people find this to be true.  So if you have overbooked yourself, or you set up redeye flights or crazy schedules to pack in as much activity as possible, you run the risk of exhaustion.  And we know how pleasant it is to be around someone who is exhausted, even if you are in paradise.

Take good care of yourself so you can enjoy your vacation:

• Get plenty of sleep the 2 nights before you leave so you are well-rested at the start of your trip.
• Pack all your things the night before so there is no worry to prevent you from sleeping well.
• Drink plenty of water, especially if you are also consuming alcohol on your trip.  Dehydration can make you cranky as well as make you sick.
• Pack blister pads, aspirin, and medication for an upset stomach so you are not left to find these things locally at the last minute if you need them.
• Keep your medicine and essentials in your carryon bag in case your other luggage is lost.

When you take care of your own physical requirements you will not only enjoy your vacation more, you will be a better travel partner to your mate.

Know Your Partner’s Travel Style

Most of us find out the hard way that our partner’s travel style differs from our own.  I first discovered this on my honeymoon in Paris.  We had taken several smaller trips before, but because we were gone for shorter time periods or there was less time to get aggravated, we just didn’t notice our differences until then.

For instance, my husband is a go-getter and wants to leave the hotel every morning at 7 a.m. for a day of sightseeing, tons of walking, and making sure he’s sees as much as possible.  He returns to the hotel room at 7 p.m., pleasantly exhausted from the day and ready to start winding down for a good night’s sleep.

My version of a great vacation is to enjoy a leisurely tea in the hotel room in the morning.  Then I want to see a few great sights, utilize public transportation or cabs for long distances, and come back to the hotel room after lunch for a little nap so I can then stay out late for a great dinner and checking out the city at night.

We had a few bumps in the road before we figured this out.  And then we made some adjustments that have made our subsequent trips more enjoyable.

• Discuss what you both want to do (or not do) on the trip and make some compromises.  For instance, my husband now “plans some unplanned time” for me, and I usually go along with him on the idea of getting out the door early in the morning.  We’ve both learned to enjoy the other’s preferences in small doses, especially if we are still getting what we want.
• Learn that it is okay to do things alone.  Just because you like a long morning walk or time to read a book on vacation doesn’t mean your partner will, and it is okay to do things separately.  In fact, couples who master this have more to share when they see each other again, and each gets a different view of vacationing in the same place.
• Learn to appreciate – verbally – the things your partner does to make vacation good for you.  It is easier to work things out when you feel appreciated.

Remember, You Love Him

It is easy to forget he’s your knight in shining armor when you’re mad at him for tracking sand into the hotel room or forgetting to book the day cruise that is now sold out.  But there are probably ways you have disappointed him as well, so remembering why you fell in love and decided to travel together in the first place is a good practice.

Don’t let poor communication, exhaustion, and not recognizing your partner’s needs get in the way of a great vacation.  With a little attention, even the worst mishaps – delayed planes, weather problems, bad hotels, and illness – can become bonding experiences with your mate.  And, of course, great stories to tell your friends and family in the coming years.

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Betsy Talbot writes about carving the lifestyle you want out of life you already have. When she’s not writing, she’s paring down, saving up, and getting ready for a year of travel with her husband.

Photo by jsorbieus

Editor’s Note: The theme this month is Money.

Now that you know how to make a budget, you can get down to the nitty gritty of where to spend and where to save.  And if you have a partner, the decisions can get complicated.

• Your wife wants to keep her $150 hair appointments every month, even though you are over your head in credit card debt
• Your husband plays golf every week to the tune of $100, not to mention all the golfing accessories he likes to buy
• You both love to eat out and have hectic jobs and can’t imagine cooking at home every night

You may be surprised to find out where you are spending money, and creating a budget can sometimes start arguments over where the money has been spent in the past.

“I can’t believe you have been spending that much money on your fingernails!”

“Well, I’m the one who does all the dishes around here, so I deserve a little pampering!”

You get the idea.

The important thing in the budgeting process is to look forward. Your past is passed, and there is nothing you can do about it.

Consider the goal you both have in mind and go from there.  When you have a dollar amount in mind and each party makes equal sacrifices to get to that goal, you go back to being a team again.  And isn’t that why you chose your mate in the first place?

How to agree on a budget:

• Have a mutual goal – adjust it if necessary to make sure you are on the same page
• Give yourself some “mad money.” Everyone needs a little cash they don’t have to account for to anyone else.  Your mad money may be $10/week or $100/week.  Doesn’t matter, just make sure you have some and don’t get mad when your mate spends his on things you consider wasteful.
• Agree on a regular review to make modifications to your budget. In the beginning, you will want to do this every month.
• Build in some variety. You won’t feel deprived about less eating out if you are sharing a romantic picnic on your livingroom floor.  Be creative.
• Think about do-it-yourself options. I’ve received more compliments on my hair since I started coloring it myself than in all the years I had it done at the salon.  And I save $800 a year.

Shared Sacrifice Means Shared Victory

For us, the goal is a mutual one, but it doesn’t always turn out that way (see the charred remains of marriage #1 for lessons on how to work separately on opposing goals).  You have to be able to compromise with your mate on both the goal and the way to get there so neither one feels bullied into doing something.

When you reach your goal, you will be so glad to have worked through your difficulties with your partner and celebrate your success.  Money problems really can bring you closer together if you work it out as a team.

Related Reading:

Money and Lifestyle

Working Together: Our first DIY haircut

How to Get Ready for a Round the World Trip (the long way)

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Betsy Talbot writes about carving the lifestyle you want out of life you already have. When she’s not writing, she’s paring down, saving up, and getting ready for a year of travel with her husband.

Editor’s Note: This is the third post in the 5 signs of a great life series. Click on the introductory post for links to all 5 signs at the end of the series.

If it’s true that you are like the five people you spend the most time with, what does that say about you?

Go ahead and make your list – not your 5 favorite people, but the 5 people you actually spend the most time with in your daily life.

• Are they supportive, healthy, happy people?
• Do you feel energized by them?
• Is it a give-and-take relationship built on respect?

Many of us develop relationships out of convenience or apathy.  We do this without thinking, or by thinking we have no choice.

Your coworker sits next to you in the breakroom and starts whining – you listen the first time and he takes the cue that he can do this every day.  Before you know it, your 15-minute break becomes a daily gripe session.

Your friend thinks you are the best because you always listen, do favors for her, and never ask for anything in return. And she certainly doesn’t offer because it would take the spotlight off her.

Your sister-in-law makes it a point to give you negative feedback on your hair/weight/parenting/housekeeping at every opportunity (and usually publicly), and in the interest of “family harmony” you let it go.

These are just three examples of the kind of soul-sucking relationships we sometimes let ourselves get into.  And while we can choose our friends, we are somewhat stuck with our family members and coworkers.

That doesn’t mean you are stuck with accepting their behavior, though.

The happy people I know surround themselves with loving and supportive people who enhance their lives. My friend Nancy calls this breathing the “rare air” and it is true.  Why choose to spend time with people who insult, demoralize, and exhaust you?  When you spend your time with those negative folks you will have a hard time attracting supportive, energetic people into your life.

You probably won’t ever eliminate these type of people entirely from your life, and sometimes very good people go through stages that make them a bit soul-sucking for a while (I know I have).  But you can draw the line at how much energy you will allow to be taken from you.

Here are a few ways that I’ve dealt with negative people in my life.  These might work for you as well:

• For the whiny coworker, ask him what steps he is taking to improve his situation.  Focus the conversation on action steps.  When he says “I am stuck” you can remind him that none of us are ever truly “stuck.”  He’ll either shift his brain into a problem-solving mode or he’ll start looking for a more sympathetic audience to listen to his whining.  If he responds to the action steps and then comes back whining, you can ask him about the action steps he already said he would take.
• For the friend who monopolizes time, activity, and attention, this has gone two ways for me.  With one friend we talked about it and I told her how I felt, and she immediately apologized and said she had not even been aware.  I was also challenged to be more upfront about what I needed.  Things were much better after that and we have a more equal relationship.  The second time it actually came down to realizing she wasn’t really my friend, only someone looking for an audience, so I decided to wish her the best and part ways.  It was hard, but in the long run it was the best decision.
• For the snarky family member (and the above example is not about my own sister-in-law, who is lovely), turning the question around on them is usually very effective.  “Why are you so concerned with my hair/weight/parenting/housekeeping?” or the more blunt “What kind of reaction are you hoping to get from me when you say things like that?” These two questions can get to the heart of why he or she says those things and puts them on notice that you aren’t going to let it slide anymore.

How have you handled the negative, soul-sucking people in your life, especially if they are family or coworkers that you cannot easily get away from?

How are you attracting supportive, loving people into your life?

People often express a desire for simplicity, and then they go crazy buying all the “stuff” needed to simplify: attractive boxes, magazines, books, and clear containers for all the household products that already come in containers.  It sounds crazy, doesn’t it?

Whether you are planning to purge everything to travel full-time like us or not, here are 12 ways you can easily simplify your life every month. 

January:  How many coats, gloves, mittens, and scarves do you have in your house?  The count may surprise you.  Think about what your family really needs to stay warm in the winter and donate the rest to someone living less abundantly than you.

February:  Winter is the perfect time to watch movies at home. Are you renting them or buying them? Consider renting both for variety and less clutter.  If you already have a big collection of DVDs, think about the last time you watched one of them.  If you go longer than 3 months without watching a video, it is time to donate it.  Children’s movies are a big hit at shelters, libraries, and after-school programs.

March:  Let’s talk closets for a minute.  You likely wear only 20% of what is hanging in there.  Why not donate the rest?  Give yourself space for the clothes you really love and for a few new things that fit to become part of your wardrobe.  Let someone else enjoy your skinny jeans or your fat clothes.  Allow yourself to celebrate who you are right now, not some past or present version of you.

April:  Plastic container alert!  How many plastic bowls, cups, and margarine containers do you have in your kitchen? If there is dust on that stack of bowls, chances are you don’t really need them.  Recycle or donate them and only keep what you will really use.

May:  Would you get in a taxi that looked like your car?  When you get your first summer car wash, think about how you want your car to serve you.  If you need office supplies, keep them organized in container in your trunk or over the seat, not scattered on the dash.  Keep jackets and clothes neatly in a bag and off the floorboard.  Make it a habit to “bus” your car every day and dump the trash.  You deserve a clean transportation system for you and your family. 

June:  Summer is a great time to read a book on the beach.  To keep your home library manageable, consider selling several of your books to a used bookstore.  Now that you have room on your bookcase, consider giving away or selling a book for every book you bring into your home.  This will encourage your friends to give you books as well and save you both space and money.

July:  How many towels do you have in your linen closet?  People often buy many cheap towels and keep them until they are almost threadbare.  Why not just keep a few nice towels and launder them every week?  You save space in your linen closet and enjoy a thicker, more absorbent towel every day.  You can donate old towels to shelters or recycle them as cleaning rags that you can wash and use again and again.

August:  You may have already experienced a sunburn or mosquito bite this summer and reached for the suntan lotion, aloe vera, or bug cream.  Have you checked the expiration date on these in a while?  We often buy these products in a large size to save money and then use them so little that they expire before they are empty.  Buy smaller containers to fit your actual need to reduce waste.

September:  School starts, signaling the official end of summer.  Do your children get new backpacks and lunch boxes each year?  What happens to the old ones?  Instead of letting your entry closet pile up with unused bags, donate them to a shelter or children’s program.  You can even ask the principal at school whether they have children who need book bags or lunch boxes.

October:  You may have bought a piece of exercise equipment in January hoping to get that miracle body in 20 minutes a day.  If that didn’t happen for you, stop using your exercise equipment as a clothes hanger and get rid of it.  Craigslist is a great way to get rid of large and small items and make a few bucks.  Besides, walking is free and takes up no space.

November: Do you have boxes of photos with no identifying data?  Make it a family activity to label the backs of each photo and then have them scanned into digital albums.  You can get rid of many snapshots that you never look at anyway and begin to enjoy them online with your family and friends.  You also eliminate the risk of your photos deterioriating over time.  You can scan them yourself or use a service like ScanDigital to do it for you.

December:  Are you buying gifts for 30 relatives and wondering how you will pay your credit card bill come January? Worse, do you still have debt on your credit card from LAST Christmas?  Rethink your strategy.  Have a family meeting every year or two to discuss how you want to give gifts to each other.  Some families choose to draw names, some only buy for the children, and others pool their money to take a trip together.  People that love you do not want you to go into debt to buy them gifts. 

There.  In one year you have simplified your life in a big way without a huge effort.  Make yourself a calendar for next year to tackle one thing every month and you’ll develop a habit of simplicity around your home. 

Let’s face it, I’m a control freak.  And not in the “I know best” kind of way.  In the “you probably know best but I don’t trust you completely so why don’t you just let me do it” kind of way.

Whew.  It feels good to confess that (as if my loved ones did not know).  Is this the first step?

My biggest control issue is with driving.  Even though I rarely drive and it is a running joke with my friends that I frequently get lost, I still can’t stand for someone else to be in control of the car.  I hate being in the passenger seat, mainly because the brake pedal doesn’t work over there.

My husband is a more aggressive driver than me.  Frankly, Mother Theresa was probably a more aggressive driver than me.  And he has a good driving record and has never failed to deliver me safely to any destination.

But I still nag.  And clench my teeth.  And gasp.  And grab the door handle.  And of course press down on the non-existent passenger brake.  Pretty soon I’ll have a Fred Flinstone car that is foot propelled from the holes in the floorboard.

It may amaze you to discover that it bothers my husband when I do this.  Shocking, I know.  And some of our biggest fights are in the car.  He’s too aggressive, I’m too much of a nag, he’s speeding, I’m cringing, and neither one of us is having a good time.

Fortunately for us, neither one drives much anymore.  He takes a shuttle to work, and I work from home.  A lot of our activities are within walking distance or public transportation from our home, so we only get in the car a few times a month, usually for an extended period of time.  Maybe that is why this problem never seems to get resolved.

Last week we had a resolution.  Or at least a small hope of a resolution.

After yet another trip (to the Rick Steves travel fair, no less), we had another spat.  How in the heck are we going to get along on the road if we can’t even be in the car for 30 minutes together?

And you know what I realized?  I wanted him to drive like me and respond like me…from the passenger seat view.

When you drive, you have a specific vantage point, and all your training and reflexes are geared toward being in that driver’s seat.  I was interpreting everything as the driver while sitting in the passenger seat and asking him to go against his training to respond to my view.

We’ve been fighting about this for years and it finally dawned on me that it will never be resolved until I give up control and act like a passenger when I’m not driving.

So, as a little reminder I now will say “I trust you to get us there safely” when he is driving and remember my role as passenger.  We’ve been in the car once since then, but it was a rainy night in rush-hour traffic, and we did not fight.  My statement reminds me that I’m choosing to give up my control by being a passenger and reminds him that he has my trust and shouldn’t do anything to lose it.

This is one of those old fights that may not go away overnight, but I think we’re making some real progress here.

Where do you have unreasonable expectations of control in your relationships?  Or where is it hard to let go even when the other person has superior knowledge or skills?