Do you ever meet someone and immediately feel like you know each other?
There is a relationship “shortcut” that exists between people who share the same ideals or interests. You don’t have to explain yourself to people who share your passions, so you can immediately start developing a friendship with them. You bypass the first-impression labels like crazy/boring/conservative/liberal and get below the surface pretty quickly.
They just “get” you, and you them.
We find this to be true with other long-term travelers, no matter what part of the world they come from or what age. No one is surprised that we sold everything to travel, and most people just want to compare stories of where we’ve been, what we’ve discovered, and maybe plan to see something together the next day. It is the fastest path to friendship I’ve ever experienced in my life.
Since we’ve been on the M/S Expedition, we’ve noticed the same is true of the crew and staff that works here. They come from the Philippines, Brazil, Poland, the Ukraine, India, and Russia, and the majority will work both the Arctic and Antarctic tour seasons. Most people on this ship are away from home for 10 months of the year. In fact, you could easily argue that the M/S Expedition is their real home, considering how much time they spend here.
As we’ve observed their activities, we’ve come to realize that they have their own friendship “shortcut” with each other as well. They don’t wonder what would make someone leave home for a life on a polar ship because they already know. Some get “landsick” if they stay in one place too long or venture too far from the ocean. Others are here to make the kind of money for their future they can’t make back at home.
Because they already understand this about each other, they can move right into a deeper stage of knowing each other, and it is obvious even from a distance that they consider each other family.
You can hardly walk down a hall or pass a room without hearing someone singing a song, and the affectionate way they joke with each other has all the hallmarks of a large family gathering.
T
hey even pool a percentage of their tips to buy bicycles, musical instruments, and other items to share in their leisure time on board and at port. Can you imagine bonding this way with your coworkers? It is about as far from Office Space as you can imagine.
Back home, these people probably experience a lot of the same things we do: wonder at how they can do it, a little wariness of them for being so outside the “norm,” and even some jealousy or negativity toward their life choices.
But on board? Everyone is just like they are, and they can get on with the business of living. They sing karaoke with each other after shift, ride bikes and shop with each other while in port, and see parts of the world together that their friends and family back home may never get to see.
There is something to be said for hanging out with the kind of people who share your goals and dreams, not only for the motivation it provides, but also for the comfort it gives in just being “one of the guys.” It removes that first hurdle that we sometimes have to jump to get to know people.
Do you surround yourself with the kind of people who “get” you, or do you find yourself jumping that first hurdle a lot?
About Betsy
I was just wondering if they are away so long from home what about their families? Are they older folks with grown kids or young, single, no strings..or if they do have kids does someone else raise them? Can you raise kids on a commercial ship?
Joanna, there are no children on board, and the staff are all ages. Some have families at home, some are working to be able to start a family back at home, and some are actually working couples on the ship. Some have grown kids who have followed them into the hospitality/cruise industry, and some have smaller children being raised by other family members while they send money back home. At least one comes from a long line seamen and says this life is normal for his family. And some are just adventurous singles looking to see the world and make a good living.
thanks, Warren…glad to hear they are all ages. There’s hope for my husband and I then, whatever we decided to do when the kids are grown..we just have to wait (ohh, I’m so impatient
Hey Warren … don’t we ALL come from a long line of semen? lol!!!!
You know, I wondered which one of you would come up with a comment on that. Not surprisingly, Tranque, you were in the top 5.
Warren sent it right over the plate slow and easy …. I just had to swing at it! lol!!!
Wow - that’s a big crew! Had no idea it was that many.
You are so right about the “friendship shortcut” - some of our closest friends now are those that we met while traveling and made those close and quick connections!
Funny that we thought the original ratio on the Antarctic cruise of 50ish crew to 120ish passengers was good. Imagine 50ish crew and only 2 passengers!
Things we love: no kids on board
chef on call for you constant entertainment
Things we don’t love: this crew gets to spend 24 hours a day with you - instead of us
we miss you!
Well, we wouldn’t say they are on call for us, but they certainly don’t let us go more than 2 hours without some type of food to eat! We were just saying last night at dinner how much you’d love to be here because of the fantastic food choices. Someday you need to meet Chef Tony. We’re trying to get him to write a cookbook, you know…
You’re following Henry David Thoreau’s advice to “advance confidently in the direction of your dreams” and reaping the benefit he described: meeting with “a success unexpected in common hours.” My daughter Sara (who was on your Antarctic cruise) is heading off to Germany in two days for 3 months to study German, and it just occurred to me that I ought to drop in and visit her for a couple of days in Berlin - and then while I’m at it, visit the ancestral homeland of my grandfather, a Greek island in the Northeast Aegean. In short, you’ve inspired me to do it now instead of some vague “tomorrow” that might never arrive. Good sailing! Your posts are wonderful reads.
Harry, what a great trip you have ahead of you! A definite plan for today is always better than a shadowy plan for the future. Have a great time, and please tell us about it when you get back. We love that you are doing this!
Well said. We couldn’t agree more. We always remind people who are troubled by friends’ judgement: “You’re hanging around the wrong people!”
That saying about being most like the 5 people you spend the greatest amount of time with should be a huge eye opener for us all. You can’t choose your family, but you can certainly choose your friends! (We’re lucky to have great family members, too)
I love the term “relationship shortcut”! That is definitely a phenomenon we all come across in life. Well captured here.
Keep living the life, you have a great thing going.
Thanks, Juls. We are big believers in shortcuts to the good life whenever possible!
I think this is a true term, when meeting someone with the same love and same interest. This is definitely a friend shortcut. I believe this is something that helps a friendship especially when just meeting a person in the while traveling or while working, as the people are when they are cruising with the other members. They all have a common love and they have made that friend shortcut and cut out all those initial assumptions they have about eachother. This is something I would like to start in my life.. A friend shortcut…
Meeting people with common interests, in this case - travel, usually makes for quick bonding. I know when I met the two of you for the first time to discuss Meet Plan Go, there was an instant connection. For those of us where travel is an important part of our life and who believe in the importance of travel, it just clicks.
Hi Betsy,
It’s nice to read a thoughtful entry. You’re right, I can’t imagine even comparing working in an office to working and living on a ship that is gone at sea for the majority of the year. I’m sure they form relationships with people on board and other crew members that are unrivaled.
I think finding people that have the same interests as you and surrounding yourself with them is one of the best situations you can put yourself in. Through them you find motivation and true happiness. Once you find these people, it’s almost natural that you stay in touch, even if it’s across countries and oceans.
To answer your question, I think I have been lucky enough to find friends that just “get me” for who I am. In fact, your entry helped put into words bonds between others that I have not been able to explain. Although I can’t say that I have a huge circle of friends, or over 1000 friends on facebook, I can feel comfortable with the small amount of deep relationships I do have with friends. And I can be confident that they will remain. I was always hesitant to accept the fact that I was just unsocial as the reason why I was not a party person or a “networker.” But the heart of the matter is that I have no interest in forming superficial relationships. I think I’m already tired of jumping that first hurdle and filtering out the people who I can’t relate to from the people who I share major interests with.
Anyway, great entry. It definitely made me think.
Best of travels!
This is so nice to read! I’m moving away from all of my friends and family to teach in Spain for at least one year. I’m very nervous because I will be all alone, but I have wanted to do this since I was 16, so I’m doing it! I was worried about making new friends and finding my comfort zone in an area I am barely familiar with but you make a great point. I’ll be with teachers that are doing the same thing and have the same passion as I do: Travel and working with kids! Although I’m sure you didn’t mean to, you gave me great advice and made me feel a bit more comfortable with leaving! I hope everyone I meet when I move “get” me and why I’m there!