Confidence is sexy

It is November of last year and I’m writing a book about overcoming fear, and it is not going well. The words are not flowing, and the few that do make it through are – to put it bluntly – shit. After 30,000 nuggets of shit, I decided to call a halt to this project. I wasn’t fully into it, and the results showed. I just couldn’t get worked up about fear. Things were not happy at the House of Talbot because writing a book is why we came to Thailand in the first place.

Then things got real: my friend Donna was murdered by her ex-husband. And the political climate in the US became overtly anti-woman as the political races heated up. Some of my closest friends and family members were undergoing significant personal issues because of their inability to speak honestly and clearly in their relationships, businesses, and communities.

It finally dawned on me that fear wasn’t the problem because fear never leaves us. Conquer one fear and you’ll quickly find another – we all know that. The problem is really a lack of confidence, the inner fire that comes from living your authentic self, speaking your truth, and demanding respect from others, including yourself. Especially yourself. When you have this, you can face fear on a regular basis with a pretty good result.

The Flip Side of Fear

So I started writing about confidence. In fact, I couldn’t stop writing about confidence. I remembered how I felt in my 20s and early 30s, afraid to speak up, scared to death of what other people would think, and without a clue that I could choose the type of people I wanted in my life. I could even kick the wrong people out!

I remembered the first few times I said ‘no, thank you’ and ‘I want this’ and ‘this is who I am’ – all followed by an emphatic period. No apologies, no clarifications, no excuses. It was scary as hell and completely liberating at the same time.

I remembered the fiery meltdown at 29, the divorce that followed, and the experimental and eye-opening events that followed as I took the messiest path to self-confidence I could find. I wrote about all of it in detail in this book for one reason and one reason only: to show you that you don’t have to curl yourself up into a little ball to get along. You don’t have to go with the flow, keep your thoughts to yourself, or force yourself to laugh when you want to scream or cry.

I Wrote This for You

Strip Off Your Fear: Slip Into Something More Confident is my love letter to you, one that shows you how to find your way back to the path that started with your gung-ho young self, the one who wanted to do great things. I want you to recapture that spirit now that you have the experience and resources to make good shit happen for yourself and the world.

I want this for you, your sister, your neighbor, your coworker, your friend, your mother, and your aunt. I want you to have a voice in your body, your home, your career, your community and your government. I want you to stop worrying about what happened 5, 10 or 15 years ago, to delete the biased stories and comments from people in your past that are keeping you from seeing who you are right now in this very moment. I want you to talk about the topic of confidence with every woman you know.

But enough about what I want. What do other women want?

An early draft elicited this response:

Every fucking word – in my face – “make me go ouch” words – make my eyes tear up because you hit so close to home and I almost want to close the book. But because I know you are right and I’m curious I read on and then laugh out loud because I know you are talking about ME….yep ME…

I will buy dozens of copies, give them as gifts, lead book clubs and parades. THIS is the message I want to read.

I’m so excited to share it all with you later this week I can hardly stand it. It goes deeper than our previous message in Dream Save Do because it hits at the heart of our lives –

learning to speak our truth, be who we are without apology or excuse, and demand more from ourselves and the people with whom we share our lives.

You’ll find out more on Thursday - much more - so be sure to stop by for the virtual launch party. You’ll find out just what the juicy middle of my message of confidence is all about. Without learning to speak up, be comfortable in my own skin, and attract the right kind of people in my life I would have never met Warren or have the life I lead today, which fits me like a glove.

My message is simple:

Speak up. Be proud of who you are, what you know, and what you do. Help other women do the same. When you change your world for the better, you make it better for the rest of us.

This book is how I went from wee to ME. It is a lesson in how you can do the same. The party starts at midnight Pacific on Thursday. Don’t be late.

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