My friend Joe really set me straight this week. I’ve been feeling a little bit freaked out by the idea of giving up almost everything I own to travel the world. I mean, who does this? (okay, some really cool people do this, but how do I fit in that group?)
The house has been sold and we move in about 10 days. Almost everything has been sold or spoken for, and what we have left is a shell of the life we were living. In some ways that invigorates me, and in some ways it scares the hell out of me.
Joe reminded me that it is okay to be scared even when you’re doing something you really want to do. It is normal and natural to feel fear when you are pushing the boundaries of your comfort zone.
He gives this same message to his 6-year-old daughter (can you imagine what a cool adult she’ll turn out to be?), and I’m so glad he shared it with me.
Courage isn’t the absence of fear; it is action despite fear. Like I always tell my daughter, if you’re not scared, you’re not really being brave.
How do you deal with fear when you are pushing the boundaries of your comfort zone? Do you let it get you down, or do you have effective strategies for dealing with it? Let us know in the comments.
About Betsy
I love that saying and always have, as it reminds you that if you are not scared to do something, then you’re not really being courageous or brave, are you? If you are fine with jumping out of the airplane, asking for the raise, or traveling the world, then where is the “bravery” in that? It would be like saying it’s brave to order a sandwich or clean your house. Only when you move forward in the face of that fear are you being brave. And that’s why bravery is defined by you - not anyone else. If you ahave a fear of heights and shore yourself up to go to the top of the Space Needle, than that’s brave. For me, who’s not scared of heights, it’s merely a day out.
Remembering you are supposed to be scared if you are trying something new or testing your courage makes you feel a little bit better about that fear. Fear is what stops most people from going all the way, so if you can push through that, than you truly are courageous!
I love how Suzette ended her comment: “Fly!”
What gets me through that sudden, electric in-the-gut burning kind of fear (real terror) is a deep breath, keeping moving (doing what needs to be done) and HOPE. Focusing on what can be done, and the hopeful positive outcome of my actions gets my mind past the paralyzing feeling of fear. It can almost feel like being on automatic pilot, it is so mind over body.. But, as soon as HOPE for the outcome kicks in, the fear recedes and I begin to glide through the moment or process.
Keep looking at the horizon.. what is coming, not what is in the moment.
Numerous people I know have lost everything not due to choice, but due to circumstances, yet managed to return to a “normal” things-stuffed life in time. Letting go for a bigger purpose… ahhh.
Fly.
One thing I love about you guys is that you already have descriptions of the feeling and have plans in place BECAUSE YOU DO IT SO OFTEN. Now *that* is inspiring.
I watched a documentary called Man on Wire recently about the guy who illegally set up a wire between the twin towers and walked across it. He made a statement that really stuck with me: “To me, it’s really so simple, that life should be lived on the edge. You have to exercise rebellion. … Then you will live your life on the tightrope.”
Life should be lived on the edge. I like that.
I LOVE this concept of courage despite fear rather than courage being the absence of fear.
I was lucky enough to learn this lesson very young- probably around 20. Many things that have been of huge value in my life scared me to death (moving to Los Angeles, applying to grad school against all odds - UCLA film school, moving to Manhattan and living there for 2 years,riding my bike 550 miles in the AIDS Ride, and traveling solo across the country for an entire month on Amtrak).
I particularly remember the night before the first day of the AIDS ride when I would have to ride 93 miles with a bunch of strangers- I was almost shaking and slept not a wink- I thought I must have lost my mind- and by a few hours later I was bursting with adrenaline and couldn’t wait to start riding.
I don’t live in constant fear, but many times the “big ones” are the ones that most scare us, and the ones that are of the most value.
As far as strategies to get through fear, I would say I mostly just ignore it. That was my valuable lesson- the fear is there but you just take notice of it and keep on going.
What scares and saddens me is living life in fear. I agree with the concept of living life on the edge.
Angela, you’ve done a lot of courageous things in your life! I like the point about adrenaline - do you think that’s nature’s way of pushing us through the fear to get things done?
Honestly, I pray. Hard. On my knees. Not sure that was the kind of answer you need though…
That’s the beauty of it, Margit - we all have different ways of getting ourselves through. The important thing is that we get through.
I do believe that facing our fears and getting out of our comfort zones will expand our horizons. Life is too short to confine ourselves with the familiar. There are many things we can discover about life if we chose to step to the unknown grounds.
What a great quote! “Life is too short to confine ourselves with the familiar.” I know I’m gonna use that one again. Thanks, Walter.
I have to admit i’m not brave in the way that you are, i could never do what you and Warren are about to do but i really respect and admire you for it!
My favourite quote regarding this is ‘a live lived in fear is a life half lived’
All the best on your exciting journey and looking forward to hearing about it. I really like the way you aren’t afraid to express your fears but still go ahead and do it anyway!
Cheers
Judy
And I could never live on an island (even a beautiful one like yours) - I can barely handle the occasional trek out to the suburbs! We all have different goals and fears, but I’m inspired by what other people to do to reach their dreams. And hey, I have a LOT to learn from you about living and working 24/7 with your mate! Talk about having fear and doing it anyway….
Hi Betsy-
I’m new here, and very excited for you and your family-wow!
i think there are two types of fearful people:
-those who use fear to motivate, and change, and fix what’s not working,
and
-those who choose to be immobilized by their fear.
Good luck on your travels!
Hi, Linda. Welcome! We need a therapist around here to keep us straight. I hope you’ll keep coming back.
Just discovered your blog through Meet Plan Go - you guys rock! As someone who’s been through the same process, I can totally relate.
Here’s one of my favorite quotes on the subject of courage:
“Everything you want is waiting for you on the other side of fear.”
No idea who said it first, but it helps me…
Marc, that is an awesome quote. I’m taping it up on my bathroom mirror!
Hi Betsy, I just came across your website when I Google searched for “Taking a break between careers”. What a great site this is! Much of what you share on this site resonates deeply with me.
My fiance and I are planning to travel down under for three months together in September. I have some fears, but I feel I need to do this. We both have gypsy in our blood and find it hard to live conventional lives.
Lisa, I’m so glad you found us! This is a fun little tribe to hang out with - we have travelers, lifestyle designers, minimalists, personal development seekers, and even a monkey who shows up now and then. Seriously. So I hope you’ll come back to share your fears and experiences on your trip with the rest of us. It sounds like a great adventure!