There is a big bad monster lurking behind the front door,
and you can hear his heavy breathing when you walk by. For some unexplained reason he cannot actually open the door, but the reverse is also true: you can’t go outside.
The monster’s name is Fear, and as long as you stay away from him you feel safe.
You make your home cozy with a comfy chair, plenty of reading material, and a well-stocked pantry. You sign up for all the cable channels and snuggle up with a warm blanket. You have a cell phone and a laptop and tell yourself that hearing about something or reading it online is almost as good as doing it yourself.
You convince yourself there is no reason to go outside anyway, and this helps you block the monster from your mind.
For a while, this works pretty well.
One day, you pass by the window and see flowers blooming outside. The sun is shining, birds are singing, and the grass is green. You wonder how the grass would feel under your bare feet. In fact, you try to remember the last time your feet were bare.
You shake your head and and move past the window, getting back to the business of your day. “The grass is probably damp, and the flowers will attract bees anyway,” you tell yourself. It is easier for you to make excuses about why you don’t want to go outside than it is to admit you’re scared of the monster at the front door.
Each day you pass by the window and see the flowers, the grass, and the bright sunlight, and each day you tell yourself you don’t need those things in your life. After all, you can see them through the window, and isn’t that good enough?
Over time, though, your house starts to get a little stuffy,
and you long to open a window or door to welcome a breeze. You start telling yourself it is all in your mind, and if you just think cool thoughts you won’t need an actual breeze.
When that doesn’t work, you change into a tanktop and shorts.
Pretty soon it gets warmer and you start fanning yourself with a magazine. You drink a big glass of ice water. As the sweat starts beading on your forehead you stand in front of an open refrigerator for a relief.
Before long, it is sweltering.
You can’t stand being inside anymore, and if you don’t open the door you think you might faint. It doesn’t even matter anymore that the monster Fear is on the other side because you are going to stop breathing if you stay inside a minute longer.
And that, friends, is The Moment, the instant you realize that the pain of being where you are is greater than the fear of experiencing the unknown.
You walk to the front door, fling it wide open, and stare right into the eyes of Fear.
And Fear blinks.
We leave in 7 days for our epic adventure, and people keep talking about the excitement and the buzz around our departure. I won’t kid you - it IS exciting - but nothing beats the freedom and joy we felt on the day we decided to do this thing over 2 years ago.
My wish for you as we begin our trip is to experience your own Moment where you look Fear in the face and realize he won’t bite. He won’t even block your path unless you let him. He may walk side-by-side with you sometimes, but he will never get in your way unless you let him. And once you realize that, you’ll never let Fear hold you back again.
Now get out there and do great things!
*Photo courtesy of *L*u*z*A* via Flickr
About Betsy
Yup. Great post. The biggest thing holding people back is fear. They rationalize how they didn’t want it anyway or come up with a range of excuses. Fear of the unknown is an untamed beast and it’s up to you to tame it. Fear can be incredibly scary… but when you look fear in the eyes and tell it to Eff off… those are the moments that make me feel most alive and why I live life to the fullest everyday. It’s why I crave adrenaline rushes and push my body mentally and physically to it’s limits. It’s why I give society the finger and do whatever I want. I feel alive. Nobody can take that away from me!
Everyone hears the message they need in the time they need to hear it. Sometimes it happens at 20, and sometimes much later. The important thing is to be listening and take action, and it sounds like you have, Jenny.
(I’m trying to picture you literally giving society the finger right now ;-))
When people ask us what was the most difficult thing we’ve done on this trip, it was making the decision to actually take our trip (instead of just talking about it) and handing in our resignation letters to make it real. This was also the most liberating and freeing things we’ve ever done. After that, anything felt possible - overcoming fears changes your mindset considerably.
It’s when dreams move into reality, isn’t it? You don’t have to actually BE there, just make a move toward being there. It changes everything.
You’re right - nothing beats that day of decision. For us, the day we made the decision to turn life upside-down was the day that changed how we look at life. Good stuff, for sure.
Our advice = lean into uncertainty. We now have a bit of what we call a “zig-zaggy” life, but we wouldn’t change a single thing. Embracing the unknown has, ultimately, become the most comforting decision ever. Strange, but true.
May your journey (and life) ahead bring you crazy adventure and unbounded peace.
Those are words to live by - “lean into uncertainty.” With everything that has happened globally in the past few years we can safely say everyone is living with uncertainty. So why not make it the kind of life you want anyway? Good stuff, guys.
Betsy and Warren - I am so excited for you. Can’t imagine what is going through your minds as you enter this next phase of your adventure! Looking forward to following you both! Great post!
Amy, you and Brian will be in our shoes very soon! How is the progress going on your own career break planning?
Fantastic post and I’m sure it will be so inspirational and helpful to many people out there. I remember the intense pre-trip excitement and can’t wait to see if you, like we, didn’t TRULY get the magnitude of what we were doing until several months into the trip. One day in Bali on about month 3 we suddenly looked at eachother and said “wow, we are REALLY out there doing this”. It’s incredibly liberating. Enjoy this last week with friends and family and then get out there and go!
Rhonda, I will report back in 3 months to let you know how we feel (though I’m guessing the word AMAZING will come into play). I’ve had a few “holy shit!” moments in my life - both good and bad - and I think this one will probably sit at the top of the list for a while.
What a great post, Betsy! I wrote a song a few years ago from the point of view of “Fear” as the monster hiding underneath our bed. It was a little abstract as a song, but your post gets to the heart of it: Fear is our own creation, and is at our beck and call to “protect” us from everything outside our comfort zone… even if there’s nothing to be afraid of.
Kate, that is a powerful thought - knowing that fear is at our beck and call. I’ll have to mull on that for a while.
I love the way you presented this. It describes perfectly what I felt leading up to the day my wife and I decided we were going to take a sabbatical and move to Indonesia starting June 2011. I still deal with fear as we work through planning and preparation to move our lives overseas but the excitement level and the feeling that we are doing something incredible keeps us going through that wall. Really looking forward to following your journey.
Hey, Matt. I like to call that feeling “the journey before the journey.” It really is amazing to go through the planning process and take concrete steps to make your dream happen, whether you want to travel, start a business, or write a book. Walking beside the fear actually keeps the buzz going longer, so I guess we’re still reacting to it, just not letting it block the way.
Good luck to you guys as you plan for your big move. Indonesia is one of Warren’s favorite countries, and we’ll be excited to read more about it when you move there.
Nice post. For me, the fear didn’t hit until we were about to land in Quito. I’d been the cheerleader up until that point, keeping our spirits high and calming my husband’s fears. But, I remember feeling sheer panic upon landing in Ecuador. Holy crap, I thought, what did I get ourselves into. There wasn’t much I coud do at that point, so I took a deep breath and stepped out the door. I think walking off that plane was the most free I’ve ever felt.
Only seven more days, that’s pretty exciting. Looking fwd to following you on your adventure.
So your monster was waiting just outside the airplane door? I’ll be looking for him as we land in Quito next weekend.
Your comment really resonates with me, Jodi. I have been the cheerleader (not that Warren needs much cheerleading) and am naturally sort of a Pollyanna type of personality. But sometimes when you’re the cheerleader and you feel the fear coming on it is hard to express it because you don’t want to bring your team down. Nice to know you felt it and worked through it.
The energy is just pouring out of this blog! And we are so excited for you! It was just a year ago that Tim and I left our jobs, sold the house and almost everything in it, (including our TV’s) to travel around this little planet of ours. My stomach is doing flips just thinking of the anticipation you guys must be feeling right now. We too, had to honour our fear for the two years working up to the very day we clicked our heels and boarded the plane. Living in the present is so wonderful and we are trying to continue on with that feeling back here in BC…as we again honour our fear, having relocated from Ontario, starting up a new business and finding new friends. Two years living in the Now! Wow!!
Continue to push your light out there to the world….happy trails! Annie and Tim
Tim and Annie, I think the reintegration into a “regular” lifestyle is probably just as big of a journey as traveling, especially if you move to a new location and start a business. You guys are adventuresome in everything you do, aren’t you?
Thanks for your words of support - we hope to continue to do adventurous things for the rest of our lives, and hearing from people like you guys gives us motivation to do it.
A week from yesterday…
Wooo Hooo!
Does your packing still look like the list you have posted?
I am excited for you!!!!
Hi, Jan. This is an excellent question - have you been eavesdropping?
We have the same packing list with a few additions, and I’m finding my bag is still pretty heavily packed. I’m going to have to get rid of a few last things this week before we go if I want to have the bag actually fit in the overhead compartment of the plane!
The good thing with a trip like this and the limitation of one bag is that you really can’t overpack too much, and you quickly learn what is most useful. I have a feeling we will be evaluating this as we go and making adjustments along the way.
Betsy and Warren - a great article!! Shawna and I are soooo psyched for you two to begin your travels….we hope to be following in your footsteps in about 8 months, but until then we will simply stalk you online, living vicariously through you…Fly safe - I look forward to your first post from South America!!
Skott and Shawna, you guys are in for a great adventure! The next 8 months will fly by, and my advice to you is to set up a moderate plan for getting things done and work on it continuously so you can really savor the last few weeks with family and friends. I’m so glad we sold our house early and got rid of our stuff well before departure - the only real stress we have is related to the trip and not last-minute managing our stuff here at home, and that is a huge relief.
Good luck on your planning, and please let us know how you’re doing. Who knows, we may even meet up on the road some day!
I just came across this entry with travel info I hadn’t read before:
http://www.artofbackpacking.com/how-to-half-the-contents-of-your-backpack/
You’re probably already packed and ready but you may see something there to give you more travel ideas while you’re on the road.
Thank you for this posting about fear. It’s true with so many things in life and will be something I’ll be referring back to in my life.
It will be interesting to read what things worked and what didn’t on the road. Also how your technology works out (iPad). Continuing best wishes as the countdown goes ever lower!
Daena, thanks for the link - I’ll check it out. As for the iPad, I’m actually using it now to write these comments. I’m trying to use it more and more so I get used to it for writing. We did buy a little keyboard to go with it, and I’m finding the combination to be pretty useful since I only take the keyboard out when I know I’ll be writing a lot. I’ll keep you posted on how the rest of the technology works out.
Just had to say 4 DAYS! 4 FREAKIN’ DAYS! Can’t wait to read the first instalment on the road!
Have a fabulous time
Cheers
Judy
Amazing entry - I was just talking about this very thing just the other day. Fear seems to be trying to spend time in the lives of several people I know, myself included. It’s always good to have a reminder - it’s like that moment in yoga when you are holding a pose for a long time and your brain starts going haywire with all the reasons why you should fall out of that pose. Just a deep breath in and out can help to clear the brain and hold that pose longer - just like a deep breath in and out can help turn Fear away from your playground.
Have an amazing journey - I look forward to reading about your adventures, and maybe we’ll actually have that Spanish conversation when - if(!) - you return!
great post—i guess you leave tomorrow? bon voyage and good luck!!
Well said. I wish you success on your adventure! Hope to work and travel one day too.
That is a great way to describe it! The amount to which we live our lives in fear of the unknown is just crazy.
Gray, it almost always takes more energy to *keep* from doing something than to actually do it, doesn’t it? At least when you add up all the mental anguish we put ourselves through with what-if scenarios and the like. We just have to regularly practice feeling fear and doing things anyway to see that the world won’t fall apart.