Recently we wrote about being an example whether you want to be or not. Today’s post is a story of how one woman finally realized what she was teaching her daughters by putting off her own dream.
I recently interviewed Ingrid Ricks for our Try Something New ezine about the great success she was having with her new ebook Hippie Boy on Amazon. Within days of publishing it, she was already climbing up the Kindle bestseller lists, and I wanted to know how a first-time author did it.
As we were going through the nuts and bolts of writing, publishing, and marketing, Ingrid shared that she had been working on the this memoir off and on for over 10 years. Ten years! I asked what had finally pushed her to finish it and mount such an effective publicity campaign to land her so high on the charts.
Without skipping a beat, she told me a story of a joke that wasn’t so funny and how it changed her life and the lives of her children.
The Joke that Packed a Punch
As Ingrid approached her 43rd birthday, her two daughters and husband were teasing her about her “advancing” age. Her children especially took to this joke, going so far as to pretend to be her as an old woman, shuffling around the living room floor with one hand on the back and an imaginary cane in the other hand. Ingrid smiled at first, taking this good-natured ribbing with a smile.
Then her daughters, in their best “old lady” voices, said the words that froze her smile: “My book, my book. I need to finish my book!”
As her children rolled on the floor laughing and her husband smiled, she felt a little death inside. Did she really talk about it that much, and were they all convinced that it was never going to happen? If it was so important, why was she letting it just sit there unfinished?
Most importantly, what was she teaching her children about going after their dreams if she didn’t do it herself?
Getting the Last Laugh
Ingrid set a goal to finish the book and get an agent by the time her next birthday rolled around. You can read the story about how she did it here, and read her dream path for the book she published on Scribd here. I have no doubt she’s going to accomplish everything on her list.
Now that the book is done, she cherishes the card her daughter gave her for her next birthday, which has Wonder Woman on the cover. Her other daughter now wants to be a writer and has started publishing her own short stories on Open Salon.
The Happy Ending
Ingrid told her amazing story, published it to wide acclaim, and now has the motivation and self-confidence to write a second book. Her kids will never joke about her being an old woman with unfinished dreams again. And more than likely, they’ll never let themselves get that way, either.
Now that is the perfect ending to such a long-awaited book.
We want to know: Other than you, who do you think is most affected by whether or not you go after your dream?
About Betsy
With a four year old daughter that copy’s everything I do lately….this has been something that has crossed our minds as we move forward. Do I feel bad for not giving her the typical “American” childhood filled with Toys R Us and McDonald’s or do I follow what I think is right?? Something I struggle with from now and then. Then…I think…as she copy’s everything that I do…if she sees me not do what I want she will learn to not do what she wants to do.
If I were to ignore my inner self then how would she learn to follow hers’? This story hit so close to home! I applause Ingrid for finishing her book no matter what. A good reminder for those role models out there.
Paz,
Thanks for your comment. It’s so true. When my two daughters did a parody of me as an old lady and showed me what I was teaching them, it was devastating — and also the kick I needed. I’ve learned that the most important gift I can give my daughters is going after my dreams and living life to the fullest. You know what my oldest daughter scrawled inside that Wonder Woman card? “Thank you for teaching me how to go after my dreams by going after yours.” That card will sit on my desk for the rest of my life.
We certainly don’t realise we are being role models whether good or bad! When my children were young my husband and I both worked long hours to provide for our family, thinking we were being good role models and showing a good work ethic. However now the situation is reversed and our daughter works long hours and whenever we voice our concern, she raises the point that where did she learn to be like she is? Well what argument do we have then? None of course!
Congrats Ingrid on finishing your book!
Wow, Judy. That’s a powerful story. We don’t realize what kind of example we are being until we see it shown back to us with our loved ones. Hopefully your daughter will eventually make the same realization as you that life is not all about work.
If you like a good memoir with a gutsy little heroine and complicated characters, check out Ingrid’s book. Great stuff!
Ug. Don’t get me started on this topic.
I’m still “unlearning” the lessons my parents unwittingly instilled in me that money is something you worry, stress & fight over; and is “hard to come by.” The insanity of it was we always experienced plenty; always had at least enough. How much different would it have been if their belief system around money had been more empowering. But they were raised by parents who had suffered through the “Great Depression;” they had learned their money lessons the same way I did. Osmosis?
wow…Judy, that is a powerful story. It reminds of that song Cats in the Cradle by Harry Chapin. My daughters have taught me a huge lesson and when I find myself slipping…I just have to look at that Wonder Woman card my oldest gave me.
Thanks for the book, congrats. Best - Ingrid
I just don’t know how I managed to miss this post. Isn’t it amazing the events that trigger “awakenings” in us. I know we often think of those events as the “reason,” but I wonder if there isn’t just something going on inside us, a “simmering” process of transformation that is necessary before we’re truly ready to take the necessary action. Then once we’re ready suddenly just about any key event-even ones that on the surface would appear “insignificant” to others-suddenly are life changing.
Why is this important?
Because even once we’re finally “in action” it is sometimes easy to lament the “lost time” in which we sat stuck and stagnant. After reading Hippie Boy, frankly in Ingrid’s case maybe she really just needed 10 years to create the needed space to tell this great story; but with the distance required to give it the benefit of some perspective.
I found Hippie Boy was a book I simply couldn’t put down. Would it have been such an amazing book if Ingrid had written it 7, 5, or even 1 year sooner? We’ll never know; but one thing is for sure, it is a helluva great book now and a “must read” IMHO (Okay it isn’t always that humble. ;). )
Thank you, Tranque! What an incredibly nice note. I think you are right in that people need to be in the right frame of mind in order to actually act when the aha moments were in front of me. Because I’m sure I had others that just didn’t do the trick. And you are probably right about me needing to have Hippie Boy simmer for a while too before I could tell the story the way I wanted to tell it.
But…I’m definitely hoping it doesn’t take me ten years for my next book. Thanks again for this.
best,
Ingrid