Last year we embarked on a great journey, and even though it was scary, it was the very best thing we’ve ever done. We were exhilarated and challenged, though I’m happy to say it has gotten much less scary over time as we’ve built up our “travel” muscles.
So how do we top something like that? Well, we could rest on our laurels and say for the rest of our lives that we did something really brave and awesome back when we were 40 (ah, the good old days!)…or we could continue stretching ourselves on a regular basis for the rest of our lives with big projects.
Which option do you think allows us to live the good life? Yeah, I thought you’d say that.
Putting yourself out there
Next week we’ll be launching our first big guide, and while you’ll be hearing more about that in days to come, what we want to talk about today is the fear of exposing yourself to criticism and potential failure and the willingness to go ahead do something anyway.
You see, even though we have written hundreds of blog posts in the last few years here, we have never asked anyone to pay for it or put ourselves out there as experts at anything but living our own lives. We’re just your friendly neighborhood bloggers putting out tips and sharing our experiences online for you to read or ignore, and we never have to know the difference. Hate our stuff? No big deal. You don’t have to read it, and because you didn’t pay for it you probably won’t make a fuss if you don’t like it anyway. You’ll just click off. The people who stay are not required to have any deeper commitment to us than their time (though so many of you do more - thank you!)
But if we put ourselves out there as experts at something, people with some specific knowledge around a topic and definite opinions on it that we put a price tag on and encourage people to follow, then we are also opening ourselves up to criticism, ridicule, and even tomato throwing. (You can see that my overly dramatic and neurotic 13-year-old self is making an appearance in this post, which makes sense since she has been hanging out in my life lately.)
I joke, but there is a lot of truth in this. We are all terrified to put ourselves out there as an expert - to answer a question in a class, to promote an idea in a business meeting, to offer a solution to a community problem - and we often shy away rather than risk an imperfect showing, a black mark against our records, or a dent in our reputations.
But you know what? By NOT risking those things, we are also dooming ourselves to stay in our same positions at work, dealing with the same problems in our communities over and over again, and letting people less informed than us impact our destinies (really, if Sarah Palin and Glenn Beck can speak up, why can’t we?).
Asking for feedback and accepting it
With that in mind, we started writing our guide to saving enough money to change your life about six months ago. The writing of it was hard - what do you include and what do you leave out? What is considered inspirational and what is considered too much ass kicking? Is this plan viable for everyone or just a few dedicated souls or somewhere in between? And does the need to get that idea out there depend on whether you have a big or small audience when your soul says it is an idea that must be shared?
I can tell you that the need to write means you WILL easily get the words on paper, though. What is much harder is to share those words with people who can make or break your project, people who will tell you what’s crap and what’s not and what you left out and what needs to be cut. And if you are too thin-skinned, you can let your specific knowledge - your expertise! - stay a hidden gem because you are too afraid of criticism.
It isn’t easy to hear that you missed the mark, but it is a worse feeling to know that you had the potential to release something great that could really help people - something that you specifically know more about than 95% of people in the world - and chose not to because you wanted to keep the Jenga version of your personality intact (really, when it falls you just put it back together and try again, right?)
In this process I had to be pushed kicking and screaming to ask for feedback. Reluctantly - oh so reluctantly! - I sent the first draft out for feedback and cowered in a corner waiting for replies. Yikes. There was definitely work to be done, and after dusting myself off I made a list of the specific pieces of criticism and how I could address them. I went about it as unemotionally as possible, though I can’t say I didn’t freak out just a little. I evaluated them and made many of the changes, keeping in mind Neil Gaiman’s quote that you can rely on people 100% to tell you the parts of your book that are not working but you can never rely on them to tell you exactly how to fix it.
I sent the book out for a second round of feedback to second audience, thinking I had solved all the problems. The feedback was even more detailed, and it felt like starting all over again. One very smart person told me the amount of detailed feedback was a good sign, that reviewers would not spend as much time and energy helping a crappy product get to mediocre, but they would help a good product get to great. Wise words, but still a bit of a shock to have so many points of feedback. I again made a mostly unemotional list of the feedback and how I would or would not address each item, and I again revised the guide.
Investing in professional help
Whether we like it or not, we are judged in how we present ourselves. After meeting reader Shea McGuier for lunch in a train station in London, I was totally convinced of her design abilities for our WordPress website clients. But I honestly never thought about her for our own project until I started researching the marketing of an ebook. Guess what value people place on a Word PDF ebook? Turns out, not much.We can give it away as a freebie to our email list, but not much else. If we want to really make an impact, we have to invest in the design and layout of the guide with a designer.
This is when I just shook my head. Really? Shouldn’t the content be enough? Then I remembered the chocolates we bought as a gift and how important packaging was to me. And then I remembered how much I loved the layout of Chris Guillebeau and Adam Baker’s ebook offerings and how I valued their information more because THEY valued them enough to professionally package them. I thought of all those freebie thrown-together ebooks out there and knew that no one would be able to tell the difference with ours before buying, which meant they likely wouldn’t buy.
I contacted Shea just to get a ballpark estimate, and I was surprised to see how reasonable it was to work with her, especially if I was able to do most of the formatting myself after she set up the basic structure. She created book covers, website banners, graphics for the book, the layout, and even the little favicon you see in the the address bar of your browser. The cover doesn’t match our logo, but it does match the colors so everything is cohesive. She thought of things we never would have, and because of that the guide looks as good as it reads.
I can tell you without a doubt that investing in your ideas with a professional designer and several rounds of casual and professional feedback will elevate your project higher than you ever dreamed. I can also tell you it will be painful to hear that some of your stuff sucks and even the good stuff needs some work. But I can also tell you that the end product is something better than you even imagined, something that you can even pitch to a traditional publisher, a magazine, and a literary agent (yep on all three). Would we have been comfortable doing this with our original manuscript in Word document? No.
Angela Barton
Next I submitted the book to a professional editor. Angela Barton is a longtime reader of the blog who also happens to be a writer and editor, and her feedback was even more specific. She challenged me to make the “okay” book into a “great” book with some really pointed feedback, and I wondered if we were *ever* going to get this to a point ready for publication.
Then she got really in our business and made some suggestions regarding videos and pictures, and I realized she knew a whole lot more about this process than I imagined (it probably helps that she also works in the film industry). She set us off on a direction that turned the guide into a multimedia product, one that has a way of putting the message out for every type of learner. As I write this post, the guide is in the final stages of line editing to correct grammar and punctuation, which is basically the last thing.
Finally, we asked professional photographer Alison Cornford-Matheson (also the brains behind the expat site Cheeseweb) to take some new photos of us. She really captured what we are feeling after a year of travel, and it is nice to actually get some photos together since that is usually pretty hard for us to do.
Asking your network for help
When we asked for readers and other bloggers to help us by critiquing early versions, there were more offers to help than we could use. We got feedback on cover designs, names, and what to include in the guide. Last, we recruited some expert help with a chapter suggested by a reader - how could we have forgotten to include credit card debt in the first draft? Adam Baker, who is a pro at credit card debt elimination, is contributing a video chapter to our guide from his new You vs. Debt program. Other bloggers are throwing in their support to help us market the guide (remember when we talked about how to Live the Good Life and build a great network? the art of the ask? we’re walking the talk here). And readers like you are telling us they can’t wait to read it because they know we know what we’re talking about after years of writing about it on our blog.
In short, it is all finally coming together and we are just down to the last details.
Feeling the fear and doing it anyway
It may not take a lot to convince you that this guide needed to be out there, but it took a lot to convince me. And I’m betting the reverse is true about something you know a lot about and are keeping to yourself - at work, at home, with your friends, and to the world at large.
We’re conquering our demons and overcoming our fears by putting this guide out, and we challenge you to do the same thing the next time you’re scared to speak up, share your opinion, or let others benefit from your expertise. Yes, people might laugh. Yes, people might tell you you’re full of crap. They might even ask for their money back.
But you know what? You might also change someone’s life. (worth some potential embarrassment, dontcha think?)
About Betsy
This is wonderful. So proud to hear that you are doing this, and I will definitely recommend your book to our friends who are at ‘home’ living with clutter and fear! So excited for you guys! I am sure it’s going to be fabulous!
Holy Cow, you guys have way too much energy. I have no idea how you managed to find the time to write an eBook. I’m jealous. Seriously.
I know the book will be great. You guys know your stuff and should not doubt. There is definitely an audience out there and critics (believe it or not) can be a good thing.
Looking forward to seeing you in a month or so. Miss you guys!!
It was such a joy to watch how bravely you walked down the plank of pain that writers have to walk down. It takes so much guts to force your writing away from you and out into the real world. It takes great courage to then listen to any and all feeedback people give you. You are by far the most graceful feedback reciever!
Congratulations on your journey, I can’t wait to see what you guys will get up to next!
p.s. loving your new hair do
What a great post! It’s so reassuring to hear others’ stories of dealing with feedback and the fear of criticism, and making it through the gauntlet! Over the course of writing my dissertation, I’ve come to enjoy the revision process as I love to see my project getting better. The fear of receiving the feedback that leads to the revisions, however, will probably never go away :). Aber das zu dem… I’m so excited to read your book! I always enjoy your posts and I’m really looking forward to the advice and expertise in the book! It’ll be awesome :).
Bold! One of the things I like most about your site and you guys as a couple. Kudos!
I rarely worry about my reputation with others because of something I read long ago:
We have as many reputations as acquaintances and NONE is accurate.
We could spend every waking hours of every blessed day trying to correct that misapprehensions that others have about us . . . and they would STILL not understand who WE are. That’s OUR job.
When we know WHO we are . . . we know HOW to live!
Keep living LARGE!!!!
You are a very wise woman, nrhatch! And I love that quote: “We have as many reputations as acquaintances and none is accurate.”
Thanks for that!
It’s a very liberating quote.
Another quote along the same lines:
What you think of me is none of my business. ~ Wayne Dyer
Opinions are just opinions ~ not facts and they CANNOT hurt us unless we choose to internalize them.
One more . . . in case you need it:
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
Now . . . go hit one OUT OF THE PARK! Best of luck.
The last quote is from Eleanor Roosevelt.
Obviously so excited to buy the book!! I am anxious to see it in Kindle form. I also have to say that I love the cover and the colors. It looks really really good!! I also love the professional pictures. I know Warren takes good pictures but I think it is hard to be in it and take the picture! I love professional pictures and try to take them every 6 months to year, just because time goes by too fast.
One thing we have learned by our own adventure is that you truly set your own boundaries and your own fear is the number one demon!! High five for doing this and you are an inspiration!!
Besos!!
It sounds like a wonderful book! I know how you feel about criticism, etc…when I was writing books (and some of the kid books were only 500 words!), I was quite nervous about what my editor, the general public, heck, anyone, would think! But in the end, we can’t please everyone and you know, what matters is that you’ve done it - you’ve done your best and this is your pride and joy. Be proud! You’ve written a book…congratulations a million times over
Joanna, I think the shorter books would be hardest - you have to get just the right info out in only a few words. It sounds like you gained a lifetime of wisdom in the process of writing your books. Thanks for your support on our project!
I know that nausea of putting yourself out there and wondering how you will be received, but KUDOS on getting professional and non-professional input. So excited for you!
You nailed it, Margit. I think the key is getting professional and nonprofessional input on a book. I just interviewed a successful author yesterday for our ezine and she gave lots of great advice about getting feedback on projects for aspiring writers.
(General note: if you sign up for the ezine now you’ll get the juicy interview with author Ingrid Ricks in your email box next week!)
Such a significant post! What is so humorous is you talk of the insecure 13 year within and from the outside we only see this incredibly capable women with a talent for connecting with others.
You’re book cover looks absolutely incredible! Clearly I need Shea’s services! And Angela’s too — but that may be too humiliating off a process to go through! lol!!! (Didn’t I learn anything from this post??? ;). )
Thanks again for blazing more trails! (and Trying New Things!)
Hey, Tranque. Isn’t it funny how we see ourselves vs. how other people see us? I was just reading about a big-name blogger who had some of the same insecurities and I thought - him, too? how can that be?! We all think we’re going through something unique, when we are really going through something universal in our own unique way. Now that this is dawning on me, I’m feeling a lot better.
Working with Angela and Shea was terrific. It made us up our game on the book simply by working with professionals - an added side benefit that they don’t advertise!
One thing that I forgot to mention is the synchronistic alignment of your post, my latest article and discovering Jonathan Fields release of his new book Uncertainty and then lo and behold is see that you commented on the same Man vs. Debt post about the book release. (So far that book is awesome, BTW.)
Of course I’m always a one-note-tune as I find the solution to our “demons” (and that 13-year-old-girl—funny enough I have one in me too! lol!!!!) is simply Presence. The only thing that gives our doubts power over us is when we project our attention into the future or begin to spin our “tall-tales” about how people will judge us (and how horrific it will be to “fail.”
Great post Betsy! I don’t know if that insecure 13-year-old ever goes away. I always have to remember to tell her to shut up when my insecurities are getting the best of me. You guys are such an inspiration for accepting your fears and moving past them. I can’t wait to see what the next challenge is!
Hi Betsy,
Thanks so much for your complimentary words about my input. While I love doing the “nuts and bolts” grammar and punctuation, etc. - what really rocks as an editor is to get in there and dig into making the good stuff shine.
It has been an absolute blast working with you on this project. I’m so jazzed that I wake up in the morning and can’t wait to get to work on it.
As your readers know, you are such a great writer that my work has been easy. You made it known that you were anxious for honest feedback, so I was able to just nudge you along a bit. One of the biggest contributions of a good editor is objectivity, since it’s difficult for any of us to be objective about our own work. Most people say they want your opinion, but they really just want to hear, “It’s great!” You wanted more, and consequently you were able to make the project that much better.
It’s been so much fun and I’m so grateful for the opportunity to work with you guys on this. I’m highly anticipating the finished product and can’t wait to recommend it to all my friends, as well as my blog readers.
And yes, you guys are truly an inspiration to keep pushing towards the dream life and not accept anything less.
Hi Betsy!
Thanks so much for sharing your journey on this ebook project. I have been thrilled and honored to be a part of the process. Thanks so much for enlisting Angela and me in this exciting endeavor. I can’t wait for the official launch!
Fear is such a pain the buttocks, isn’t it?! Seriously. It gets in the way of so, so, so many good things. But also, it’s pretty dang exhilarating to dive in and face it. With a little practice, life opens up in incredible ways.
Design is one of the things that people can fear, too. When clients come to me for help, they’re often unfamiliar with the process and can feel really uncertain about their needs.
The good thing is: all of that stuff can be sorted out. And when people see the finished designs — featuring their work and ideas looking TOTALLY AWESOME — they are so excited and proud. That’s the raddest part. Fear, overcome!
Anyway, thanks so much for being such a great inspiration. Here’s to new adventures and not resting on our laurels!
hi betsy,
this is just what i needed to hear! i am trying to publish a book and i feel the fear a lot. we just settled back into seattle (kinda, we still traveled over 3 months this year) after 3 years of traveling and diving. whenever you land, we should have a cup of coffee. or our i’ll tell our mutual friend, hillary, to invite us both over for dinner. it’s a strange new reality to live after getting rid of everything and being on the road constantly. but both going and coming home are deeply good.