Monday, April 16, 2007.
There are some events that stick in your mind so clearly that you can remember the tiniest details surrounding them, right before they begin to fade into a blur. I can tell you that I had fish for lunch that day at a business meeting and had just returned to my home office to check email. I was looking out at my favorite tree across the alley, wondering how much longer it would be before it was covered with leaves again and at the same time thinking it was probably time to take the dog out for a walk.
Then the phone rang, and the minute I heard my dad’s voice I knew something was wrong. My younger brother Bo had suffered a major heart attack and was in the cardiac hospital 90 miles from his home. The prognosis was not good. I remember wailing from the deepest place within me, and not much else after that.
Somehow a plane ticket was booked and clothes were packed, and that evening I was on the red eye to Texas. (“Somehow” almost always means Warren, whose love really shines through in moments like these.) My parents didn’t have cell phones at the time, and it took 12 hours to get there. I didn’t know what I’d find when I arrived.
My youngest brother Jeff was at the airport to pick me up, and when he smiled at me I knew Bo was still okay. To this day, I’m not sure Jeff knows how much that smile meant to me.
When we arrived at the cardiac unit I saw a lot of sick, elderly people. How could this be the right place for my strong, healthy brother? My mom hugged me and then told me that Bo had suffered another heart attack, one doctors said would have surely killed him had he not been right in the cardiac unit.
The first sight of him made me physically step back. You see, he’s always been just one grade behind me but physically bigger since we were toddlers. Seeing the strongest person in my life stretched out on a hospital bed with tubes and wires and a sickly pallor to his skin was almost unbelievable. Every moment I had to keep reminding myself this was really happening.
Over the course of the next week, he got stronger and regained some of his energy and sense of humor. The doctors eventually told us he was out of immediate danger. After what seemed like an eternity, he was released to go home. I have never been so glad to walk away from a place as I was that hospital.
Bo’s life changed: he had to quit smoking, lose weight, and learn to manage his stress better. In addition, he began taking what will be a lifetime of prescription medications. Each year he goes back for a checkup, and I know it stresses him out until he gets the results. It stressed the rest of us out, too.
My parents’ lives changed: they began to pay more attention to their weight and our stress levels. Mom lost 60 pounds, and my dad dramatically lowered his high cholesterol.
As for us, well, you know our story. This in combination with our friend Maria’s brain hemorrhage and long recovery the following year cemented our decision to start living our “someday” dreams now.
April 16 may just be another day to you, but we hope you’ll take some time to think about the dreams you’ve put on hold and why. By now you know our mantra:
Life is short. Live your dream.
And to Bo: Happy Rebirthday. Life is much sweeter with you in it. I love you.
About Betsy
Thankyou.
Love this. Thank you for sharing.
Your words bring a tear to my eye. Cherish everyday and don’t sweat the small stuff. First the Fat Boys break up and then I have a heart attack. What is the world coming to?
And now everyone can see our sense of humor is genetic. I love you, little bro.
This made me teary eyed. Beautiful.
Yup, this one gave me some tears, it did. So many similarities to my own story. So glad that your bro is doing well. The best thing out of it is that you all seemed to learn something from it, and are living life with a new found gusto! Mucho amo parati. xo
Dalene, maybe we really are twins. I can’t wait to meet up in Ireland and share a little bit more on this subject.
Beautifully written. Thanks for the reminder and confirmation that we are taking the right path.
Thanks, Matt. I’m glad to hear your recent conversation with HR did not change your mind about travel. There really are no guarantees even with a guarantee, you know?
It is stories like thus that really do reaffirm that getting out there and doing what you want in life is so important. Thanks for sharing a personal and moving story.
Elise, thanks for your comment. For every longterm traveler we meet, there is always some kind of story of transition involved - not all tragic - but something internal or external that causes them to reevaluate life. I wonder sometimes if we have to go through that step to make big changes?
That day is forever etched in all of our minds. I can only imagine how hard it was on you to be so far away at such a critical time. But I also knew that you would be here as soon as possible. We needed to be all together as a family and we were.
There are no words to describe seeing your child in a cardiac unit with more tubes in his body than you can imagine. There are also no words to describe the despair when you see your child take his last breath and then watch as medical personnel strive to revive him. But I have plenty of words to describe these last four years. Bo’s recovery has been a gift to all who love him so dearly. He is a changed man and those around him are changed. We all look at life with new meaning because we know it can be snatched so quickly. Happy ReBirthday to you Bo! I love you very much!
Mamacita, it is one of those events that is intensely personal but also universal. There were so many lessons that came from that day - a 1000 things I didn’t write about - and even though I appreciate every single one of them I hope we never go through it again. I love you, too.
Thank you for sharing your beautiful story!
You are welcome, Roy. While I hate reliving the event, the outcome is the favorite one of my entire life.
Wow, such a beautiful story. I’m glad Bo is healthy again. His story, through your blog, is inspiring people to live life now.
I actually have a similar story about a close friend but it did not have a good ending. It DID however, teach me how short life really is. Tomorrow is never guaranteed. Live now. Maybe I will tell that story some day.
Thanks for sharing this with us.
Kim, we would love to hear that story when you are ready to share it. I think it works like ripples in a pond when you share a defining moment like that, and you never know who it will impact or how far it will reach.
Thank you for the reminder and for sharing your personal life so freely.
It is so true that life is just too short. I had a friend who they though was suffering from sleep apnea but during the test while she was getting oxygen she was asphyxiated and passed away. She was only in her early 30′s and had a three old daughter. By that point in her life she had just begun to live her dream life. She was finally happily married after a bad failed marriage, she had a child she had always wanted with a man she truly loved. She had just begun a career as a chef after having gone to school and slaving as a prep cook and a sous chef for several years. When I got the phone call from her husband the night she died it was like a slap in the face. Life can change in an instant.
Around this same time my Dad had retired and was hoping to spend more time with my Mom and to travel and for both of them to enjoy retired life. He had purposely retired at 62 but instead had to care for his ailing Mom. And while he didn’t mind, obviously, it did put his plans on hold. During the time that my Grandmother was sick my Mom developed emphysema and now that my Grandmother has passed neither of my parents can travel due to my mother’s illness that requires she be on oxygen 24/7.
My husband and I are reminded every day by these events and from my parents that you cannot wait for retirement or someday because you do not know what lies ahead. You must seize the opportunity to live the life that you want now. So yes, I couldn’t agree more - life is short and we must go on and live our dreams! Thank you to both of you for continuing to inspire and remind.
Amy, thank you for sharing your personal story. Your friend’s death is tragic, especially so young. And your parents are a perfect example of what happens to so many people - they wait until retirement to enjoy the “good life” and then find out that illness or duty to family keeps them from doing it. We just really never know what is going to happen - to us or to our families - so it is important to follow your dreams while you can.
I was just thinking last night that many of us put off our dreams because we don’t have the money, or we’re too busy at work, or the kids are still young, or whatever, and all the while the one thing we are counting on - time - is the one thing we have no control over.
Good for you guys for following your dreams!
I needed to read something like this, simply to remind me I’m making the right decision. Definitely brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing your story!
Katie, keep moving forward!
Beautifully said…thx for sharing
Thank you so much for sharing that Betsy! Don’t take this wrong (lol!!), but as I read I was sent vividly back into the hospital room where I had watched my mother die from stroke. She was only 62! (Certainly something I’ll never get over!)
Happily my consolation is she definitely wasn’t the “wait until we retire” type and her gift to me was an example of making plans and doing it now! She had loved to travel and she’d seen a good chunk of the world! (In my early teens my parents followed their own version of your plan and unloaded everything and moved us to Australia. They didn’t know a single soul there! We all loved living in Oz and they stayed for 16 years and only moved back to the US to spend their retirement years closer to grand-kids. )
Okay, I’m not saying the States killed her ;), but she was only there 2 years before she died. I’m so glad she didn’t wait until her retirement years to “finally start living”!
Thanks again; you’re truly a beautiful writer with always a great message.
Be Present. Expect Success. Live with Passion!
Tranque
PS Glad to hear that Bo’s “ticker” has taken a licking but continues to keep on ticking! (He probably has some cool scars to show off though, eh?)
Tranque, I’m sorry to hear that your mother died young. It sounds like she packed a lot of living into her life and gave you a fine example of following your dreams. How brave and adventurous she must have been! It is probably no accident that you are living the life uncommon right now.
Which brings me to my second point. Why in the heck are we writing about living your dreams and you aren’t? Or are you holding out on us? Because if there is a book coming out we’d definitely buy it (though make sure it is Kindle-ready since we can’t add to our weight load in the backpacks). Something else to discuss over 27 beers when we finally meet in person.
PS - Bo does have a pretty fearsome “scar” in the way of his commemorative tattoo of the experience.
Ahh Betsy, you’re impressively perceptive-or maybe even prescient!
I definitely have a project in the works! Something that I feel will allow me to express my passion for creativity. I’ll be very excited — and nervous — to share it with you when I feel it is something that I can be proud of . . . or at least not hang my head in shame over! lol!! But I will say that there is no book in the works-at least not at the moment. (Though a past mentor of mine, a 76 year old woman named Marie -who truly believed that she was a psychic-had always insisted that there were books in me waiting to be expressed. (So either she was psychic-or crazy; I choose to believe she was a psychic. If she was crazy? Well . . . she was the wisest looney I’ve ever met! lol!!!)
Color me intrigued! We can’t wait to see this secret project and have no doubt it will be fantastic. We believe we all have at least one good story to tell - some of us just have more. You are one of those people.
Keep us posted, Tranque.
That can’t be easy to relive and share but it resonated with me and made me remember someone who lost their life before their dreams had played out. I will continue to take steps towards mine
Penny, I’m sorry to hear about your friend. It sounds like you already know the key to happily ever after - taking little steps every day to make it happen. Enjoy the journey.
It’s nice you have such a close family, and so glad you’re brother is okay. My husband and I decided years ago that we’re going to enjoy our lives and make the most of this life experience. We’ve been having a blast ever since and it’s keeps getting better and better!
Kate, isn’t that how you know you are doing the right thing? It keeps getting better.
I’m glad your brother is doing well, this couldn’t have been an easy story to share but I’m glad you did. Your motto is fantastic, I love. Thanks for the reminder to go and live life, instead of waiting for someday in the future.
Alouise, thank you. It gets easier to share the story over time because I see how well he is doing, but the first couple of years I couldn’t even think about it without crying.
great post - full of everything I love about you, including a strong cameo by Mr. Betsy.
We like to think we are each the man/woman behind the woman/man.
Hi Betsy, I’m new to your blog but I thought you would be interested in this non-profit in my neck of the woods. http://www.startinghearts.org/home.htm
So glad your brother made it through - it would have been an extremely scary time for you. Great message of this post - you do have to grab life with both hands.
That’s a great mental image, Rebecca - “you do have to grab life with both hands.”
This is an amazing story, Betsy. Thanks so much for sharing. I can’t imagine what it must have been like to go through that; and to be so far away, no less.
My younger brother (we share a b-day 7 years apart), had a terrible accident a couple of years ago while driving down a mountain - and flipped his car, etc. He is fine, but during that time that I didn’t know he was okay, I was terrified. It sounds silly to say, but I was surprised by how much it affected me. (Sadly, we aren’t terribly close).
Congrats to your brother on his ReBirthday!
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Angie, sometimes I think those surrounding a tragedy are more impacted long-term, especially when the person hurt is unconscious or not aware of just how in danger he is. Those images get seared into our minds. My brother would make lighthearted jokes about the heart attack afterward, and finally my mother had to tell him that if he saw what she did he wouldn’t be joking.
I’m so glad your brother recovered from his accident.