Things are a little messy around our house these days. Contents have been removed from drawers and cabinets, and we are selling items to friends and on Craigslist as fast as we can.
As we make our way through things, I’m feeling a emotionally overwhelmed. It is hard for me to stay focused these days, and I don’t enjoy the things I usually love - writing, spending time with friends, going out. It is taking a lot out of me to get rid of everything and move into a new future.
This is surprising the hell out of me.
I think the problem is that we are making a lot of sacrifices now for a trip that won’t happen for another few months. We have yet to see the benefit of all this hard work, and it is wearing on me (and Warren, too, when it comes to work).
Of course we’re going to stick with it, but I wanted to share with you that the feelings are not always gung-ho for the new life, and at times - especially when you are really close to your goal but not quite there - the work and sacrifice can seem overwhelming and make you question whether the goal is worth it.
I have less to give these days, and for the last few days I’ve just wanted to hibernate. I know the feeling will pass, but in the interests of transparency I wanted you all to know how I was feeling.
Have you ever been a little overwhelmed as you have gotten close to a goal? Do you think it is really overwhelm, or could it be fear that your dream is finally coming true? These are some of the thoughts running through my head these days.
About Betsy
I have a post on my site that I called how can I be so happy and so sad at the same time..I am very close to having a book I can hold in my hand…but the book is the story of the murder of my younger brother..bittersweet!
I know exactly what you are talking about. We start our 6 month world trip April 30 (yes, NEXT week!) and though we are very excited, it is also stressful at times. And exhausting. The apartment is basically empty since we have sold most of our furniture by now, we have boxes stacked to be mailed/stored with family, the endless task lists (cancel insurance, get insurance, wrap things up at work, etc etc etc etc etc…). I know in the end it will be worth it, and once we are on the road next Friday I will breathe a big sigh of relief that the hard work is about to pay off.
I love not owning as much crap (er, stuff) anymore though. I am with you on the decluttering!
re: fear the dream is coming true - I feel like the idea of taking a world trip, that this time next month we will be about to fly to South America (the first month of our trip is USA travels) sounds too good to be true. And as someone who has held a job since age 15 just the thought of not working, not being “productive”, is a little bit scary. As scary as it is exciting almost!
Oh man, yes! Before we moved to France, I was so flighty and skittish that I actually spelled my own name wrong signing into my yoga class. Good thing I went to the yoga class, by the way. Phew! I did a lot of meditation and tried to take breaks during that time. I also hired a cleaning service to do the final clean of our apartment and purposely made some break opportunities for myself-to do nothing.
You’re going through an incredibly intense phase right now. It’s new and exciting, but it certainly can be overwhelming!
Again,
Yours is the healthy way. I was gung ho. Nuff said.
The honesty of you and Warren continues to inspire us!
When ever I am in a panic because of our decision to sell most everything we own so we can travel (we are a few months behind you in the process and eagerly awaiting a buyer for our house), I actually go back and read YOUR posts. I especially like your “How to Have a 24 Hour Meltdown” post as well as your earlier posts where you are so confident about your decisions (for those times that I am feeling anything but confident about MY decisions). I think your feelings are completly normal because change is a scary thing and the part of our brain that tries to keep us safe automatically is probably flipping out right now because you are doing something that is pushing you out of your comfort (safety) zone. I’m sure as soon as you get over this hump and actually start partaking in your goal, things will be fine. On the positive side, you always have options. You can travel for a few months, and then change your mind and re establish yourself any where you want if that is what you decide. Keep going! I am so looking forward to reading about your adventures!
Thank you so much for your support, everyone. I took yesterday as a 24-hour meltdown and I think it helped. Sometimes I just want to push the pause button so I can catch up with how fast things are moving!
I was wondering at what point the “reality meltdown” was going to hit you! I thought maybe your second week of travel, you might find yourself sitting somewhere down in Ecuador going, “OK, now what?!”
Seriously, though, you can look at this a number of ways. One, I sometimes get more excited with the planning and imagining of a goal than the reality of it. The anticipation, the endless possibility - all of that is an escape from my current reality. So what does one do when your escape BECOMES your reality? Now where is your escape? I think that might be some of the tension you are feeling.
Two, even though rationally we know that we sometimes build things up more perfectly in our minds with “rose colored glasses” we are never quite prepared for the down sides of a big dream. It’s sort of like falling in love: your head tells you, “This person will not always seem so perfect” but your heart just can’t get its arms around that concept until you are in the thick of life with that person. But the love and expectation turns into something more wonderful than you can ever imagine, once you get past that hump. Same for your new life.
As someone else commented, change is hard no matter what. When I used to do change management consulting for companies we learned that, even when it comes to positive change, humans (and organizations) go the same phases as in Elizabeth Kubler Ross’ study: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. You can look at these in positive terms in your case (ie, Denial could be “I just can’t believe we are going to be able to live this dream!” that you ahd in the beginning)
Be kind to yourself and this too shall pass, as they say!
oh Betsy, hang in there….it is a precarious situation as you are not on your trip but not really at home anymore….it will pass but it will come back as well….I was just telling Michaela of briefcase to backpack that it isn’t always roses when doing long term traveling and when you look at everyone’s websites it seems like it is….I think that is the biggest surprise…..don’t get me wrong, this has been the most amazing 8 months but at times very challenging….wouldn’t change it for the world though….you guys will be doing it right-traveling slow, which makes a big difference……change is always hard so enjoy your last days in Seattle and keep on truckin.
oh i definitely had that overwhelming feeling. and i have no itinerary! i’m flying completely by the seat of my pants. right now i’m at a buddhist temple for 4 months. next? who knows. it’s still overwhelming!!
i was just thinking about when we started to get rid of our stuff….it was a chair and when the girl answered the craig’s list ad and wanted to buy the stools as well, i started to cry!!! not sure why really since they are only furniture but I think it was because it was finally starting to feel real….and every time we sold another thing, donated something, or threw something away, I kept reminding myself there is no turning back—which really helped……the most difficult part was the last month when we had nothing more than our backpacks—like you, we were truly in between our old life and new life…..you have a long time though…..wow!!! it will all be worth it when you are out exploring the world. Every day is an adventure. I don’t even remember anymore what our furniture looked like, clothes, beloved books, photos or anything else—we have made so many new memories that it is really worth it. Good luck in this precarious time.
and happy anniversary!!!
Aww, we know exactly how you are feeling! We sat in our empty home and couldn’t believe that this was it! The great thing is that you are prepared and are starting your trip well planned and have everything taken care of - so you can thoroughly enjoy yourselves without any worries! We did the same Sept 09 and have been traveling ever since and haven’t looked back. Sure, you miss your “stuff” and friends/family, but you just look around and marvel at how much you have seen and done just in the last few weeks and everything is golden again! Good luck on your travels and check out our blog for advice or ‘things to do’!
Manali + Terry